We Celebrate Her Life

Obviously it was a bit of an emotional day yesterday, and I was not able to get myself together to post. Today's a little easier, but my heart is still heavy. I lost it a bit yesterday morning as I went through some of her things, her tiny pink handmade hat, her heart beenie bags, (the nurses use to give them boundaries for security) her brush, her tiny blood pressure cuff, and the most difficult was the smell of the baby lotion on some of the stuff, still mixed with her smell. I knew the night she died, that I'd never be able to smell that smell the same ever again. As I went through my remembrance box, I found my pregnancy pictures, my ultrasound pictures, both of our hospital bands, the parking tickets, the DVD of our first action shots of her when we found out we were having a girl. One thing that I also found was the page from the devotional I read May 19th 2008 when I started having problems and had to go to the UAB triage unit in the middle of the night. It was Psalms 71:1-16 "In You, O Lord, I put my trust.....Be my strong refuge, to which I may resort continually......For You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth. By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother's womb. My praise shall be continually of You....15My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and Your salvation all the day....I will go in the strength of the Lord..." I did not know what was to come, but I feel in some ways, He was trying to prepare my spirit for this event, Layah coming out of my womb and He not intervening-for His reasons- to stop this. That's hard to understand, but I have accepted it. Through the months I've grieved for Layah, I hold dear a song that Jason Ingram, a well-known Christian artist wrote for a family in TN, the mom's nameis Boothe and has a blog. They lost their little girl, Copeland, to Trisomy-16, "coincidentally" a year before the date that Layah was due, September 26th 2007. If you can ever check it out on YouTube, do so. It's a very special video that was made for her funeral. For all the moms who have lost a child, the words are so cleansing, so soothing. I cry every time I hear it or read the words I saved. Here are the words:

“Your Days Here” By Jason Ingram

What is it like to be holding the same arms that hold the universe?
What is like to sleep on the chest of the King over Heaven and Earth?
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of life, the Author of Grace, did you know...
That your days here changed everything
You're missed here and will always be
But you left here, the greatest gift of all,
Cause our hearts ache for home.
What is I t like to breathe out without having to fight?
What is it like to be robed in perfection, no reason to cry?
When you feel on your face, your Father's kiss, His welcome embrace,
We prayed for this, you should know...
That your days here changed everything
You're missed here and will always be
But you left here, the greatest gift of all,
Cause our hearts ache for home.
So twinkle, twinkle little star, we will keep you in our hearts,
Twinkle, twinkle little star, we will meet you where you are, cause...
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and will always be
But you left here, the greatest gift of all,
Cause our hearts ache for home.

We have 2 beautiful calla lily plants in our back yard that I planted when we first moved here 4 years ago, that Matt had given me. They have always been white, but last year, right after Layah was born, (literally the next day), they were pink. This year, they have bloomed again, pink. I think this was a sweet sentiment of our loving Father. So this year, I cut a perfect bloom and took it to her grave. My mom brought some pink roses. My dear mother in law, brought cupcakes and a "Happy First Birthday" balloon, which I've decided to have Tobi let go on Monday, the day Layah went to be with the Lord, as we will be celebrating her first birthday with the King. We let Tobi start the song, and we sang "Happy Birthday" to Layah. Then Tobi blew out the candle. I actually didn't get too upset there at the cemetery. The rest of the day, we did boring stuff, went to Lowe's and got some lunch and then came home to rest. Last night as I just started looking at her pictures, the 2 albums we have of her short life and those taken the early morning hours of Sunday, June 8th, I was overwhelmed. It was all back, the pain ,the longing to hold her and share our lives with her, the devastation of the loss...it all came flooding back into my heart. I wept and then stopped a few minutes later. That was it. I took some benadryl to be able to sleep, and for the most part, I did fairly well. Before I drifted off, I thanked the Lord for her birthday and the days we were blessed with her, and thanked Him for the promise of life with baby Luke.

I appreciate so many of you that are dear to my heart, letting me know that you were thinking of me and praying for me this week. That means SO much. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that are as close as family. Please continue to hold us up this week as we remember our precious, tiny angel.

Faithfully His,

Mika