Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Chris McClarney - Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can seperate,
Even if I ran away,
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But, You have new mercy for me every day,
Your love never fails.
You stay the same through the ages,
Your love never changes,
There may be pain in the night,
but joy comes in the morning.
And when the oceans rage,
I dont have to be afraid,
Because I know that
You love me.
Your love never fails
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in the open seas
Cause Your love never fails.
The chasm was far too wide,
I never thought I'd reach the other side.
But Your love never fails.
Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus, Oh!
You make all things work together for my good!
I love this song, so please check it out on YouTube. It reminds me so much of trials I've been through in my life. His LOVE NEVER FAILS and it's so true. All things, everything from my parents' divorce before I was 2 to losing Layah, everything works TOGETHER for my good.
Faithfully His,

Friday, October 15, 2010


Today is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, October 15th. Tonight at 7pm, (it might have to be a bit later at our house because we'll be at Tobi's soccer practice), we'll light a candle to join the 'wave of light' in Rememberance. I'm about to cry as I type this, just remembering how empy I felt after Layah died, before our precious, precious Luke came to us. I know there are many moms that are not so fortunate, and many have experienced many losses, like my dear friend Amber. There are so many just like us.

My dear co worker and friend Tina, who is also a 'drill sargent' Turbo Kick instructor that helpped whip me into shape after my return to work after Layah, and here over the past month or so since I stopped pumping at work. Anyway, she is a very strong, kick-booty woman, however, her dad is very ill and may pass away soon. He's 68 and has had several heart attacks, stints, and bypasses. They have him on a vent, which they removed yesterday morning, but had to put him back on last night. She has seemed very "together" as she has continued to teach class tuesday, wednesday and thursday, but I can tell she is using it to disguise her worry and pain. My heart is heavy for her, because although losing a parent is not like losing a child, any loss will be difficult and extremely painful, especially if you, like I know I am, are a daddy's girl, and I'm pretty sure she is.

I cant imagine losing my dad. I gave him a book not long ago, called Letters from a Skeptic, which is a book of letters from a father to a son, who is a professor of Apologetics, defendeing the Christian faith. The father is not an atheist but he knows more of what he doesnt believe that what he does believe. Over the next 3 years, through many 'battles' of the mind, the father eventually becomes a believer, his eternity forever changed, and he died but a year or so later. I so want my dad to pick up the book. I know that all God's Word is 'active and living and sharper than any double edged sword', and I pray so much that the words on the page will come alive and penetrate his shell of deception and lies that Satan has trapped him in for the past 50+ years. I want so much for him to be changed, for that place in all of us that seeks Truth, to be reached and that my dad would be drawn to repentance and see how we all need a Savior. I dont know if the book will be the key, but I know that the Lord will continue to draw him in and one day,( "I stand at the door and knock, and if any man should open it, I will come in and dine with him and he with me." Revelations 3:20 ) he will be unable to ignore the knocking on his heart, and he will open it and let Him in.

If you read this, please pray for my dear friend, Tina and her dad.

Faithfully His,


Thursday, October 14, 2010


I heard this song this morning as I read a praise report on a Caring bridge page I follow of a young woman with 2 small girls and husband who has been fighting a rare cancer and just found out she's in remission. As I listened to the song and read the post, I just became overwhelmed. The words are below, so you'll see my connection to the posting.
I've heard about a lot of death lately. A co worker of Matt's that just lost her twin sister to a (likely avoidable car accident) tragedy from not wearing a seat belt, to a fellow cyclist of my dad's group who lost their 6 month old little girl, Elise to a defective heart\lung problem, to another co worker of Matt's, (who'd just lost her husband to a massive heart attack a month or so ago) lost her dad also to a heart attack on Sunday. It's just been everywhere around, more so than usual, lately. Then there is October 15th, the day we take time at 7pm to remember all of our precious children that were taken as infants, to our Heavenly Father. We just went to the Walk To Remember, ('we' meaning I met my dear friend Amber Moore who most recently experienced her third baby going to heaven too soon), which is held annually at the Botanical Gardens here in Birminbham, and although it was a memorial of all our babies who were gone too soon, I didn't feel the devastation, the horrible, aching grief like I felt 2 years ago when I went. I did cry and miss Layah, but I felt peace, and the love for her was what overwhelmed inside me, not that painful wave of sorrow. There was an unexpected speaker, as the planned speaker- a man- may have gotten the times mixed up since it was an hour earlier than the previous years, but it ended up being better than what I think this gentleman could've prepared to say. The speaker was one of the ladies involved in the walk and she had lost a son, after 2 healthy children, 32 years ago to a stillborn birth. She spoke from the heart and it was just real. Just like my sweet Granny who lost my mom's baby brother in the early 40's due to the croup at just 2 years old, the loss is still there, the love is still their for that child, so her voice broke a little as she told her story. I imagine we'll always have that, a little bit of emptiness as we talk of our children awaiting us in heaven, no matter if it's a year gone by or 20 years gone by.
I have so much more to catch up on, but briefly, I've made it my mission to get a March of Dimes licenses plate for the state of Alabama. The Birmingham chapter has not been as motivated as I would have expected. I have a guy that works here at BCBS that got the Alabama Child Caring Foundation tags completed a couple of years ago for uninsured children. He prepared me for the lengthy process, the challenges, and the strict state requirements I'll be faced with. I must have a mediator through the MOD in order to speak to the committee that we'll purpose our cause too. I've been told that 'it's been taken to her boss' by the Birmingham chapter contact, but if I don't hear back from her within 30 days, I'm gonna contact a different chapter. I want this done by 2013!
Also, I pumped my last time on Tuesday (today is Thursday). It was a little sad, but I'm still nursing Luke at night before I put him to bed, and early in the morning when he begins to stir. That bond has been so dear to me since although I pumped for 15 months with Tobi, he was just to weak to nurse so I never got to enjoy that experience like I have with Luke. It's unlike any other bond that can be created between mother and child, besides all of the obvious medical benefits. One of the main reasons I had to stop pumping is because as I've gradually reduced the times of day I have been pumping since Luke turned 1, I noticed pretty suddenly, that my breasts implants dont feel the same, or look the same, to me as they did before I got pregnant with Luke. I went to see Dr. Johnson yesterday and he said it could be just pregnancy related effects on the body, or it could be the implants. After I contacted my friend (who I leave unnamed) who I also referred to him and she breast fed after her implants, she felt the same way, that since her milk dried up, her implants didnt feel or look the same either, so it may be a defected batch of imlants, which are still under warranty and I would not have to come out of pocket the full amount if I had to have them redone. The only bad thing is if we want to have another child, do I want to chance it of having to have them redone a 3rd time if it's pregnancy effects and not the implants? proably not. We'll see what happens when I go back after I'm completely dry.
Now that I have a bit more time throughout the day, I will try to be better about updating this blog with my thoughts and devotionals. I NEED it so much! I will post a devotion very soon.
Faithfully His,
Matt Maher's "Alive Again"

I woke up in darkness
Surrounded by silence
Oh where, oh where have I gone?
I woke to reality
Losing its grip on me
Oh where, where have I gone?
'Cause I can see the light
Before I see the sunrise
You called and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out I'm alive again
Late have I loved
YouYou waited for me, I searched for
YouWhat took me so long?
I was looking outside
As if Love would ever want to hideI'm finding
I was wrong'
Cause I feel the wind
Before it hits my skin
'Cause I want
You,Yes I want You
I need You, and I'll do
Whatever I have to just to get through
'Cause I love You,
Yeah I love You

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

more pictures..i promise to post my thoughts soon!

I will give you a verse today that I read. It's a Psalm
Psalm 19:1-6 (New Living Translation)
Psalm 19
A psalm of David.
1 The heavens proclaim the glory of God.The skies display his craftsmanship. 2Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. 3 They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.[a] 4 Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.
God has made a home in the heavens for the sun. 5 It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding. It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race. 6 The sun rises at one end of the heavens and follows its course to the other end. Nothing can hide from its heat.
My precious Luke is a proclamation of His glory. All His creation is perfect. Layah was perfect-and is perfect. He makes no mistakes. Period.


Saturday, October 2, 2010

'Love Is Here' by Tenth Avenue North

This song is one on this blog, and for some reason, I just thought about it. When I looked for the video on 'YouTube'. I found this version set to The Passion movie. It's very powerful. I wept as it just reminded me the depth of His love for us, what he chose to endur for us. It's a bit graphic at times, but afterall, that's how it happened when Jesus was beaten and tortured a horrific death.


he is such a joy, I cant even tell you....

of course you knew there'd be something Star Wars...from his Aunt Bebe

this was his first touch of the cake, kinda squishy....

such a beautiful baby boy, (cousin Cooper beside him, Dad in the back)

yes, it's Darth Vader vs Luke Skywalker, on their appropriate symbols! Thanks to Publix