Thursday, October 14, 2010


I heard this song this morning as I read a praise report on a Caring bridge page I follow of a young woman with 2 small girls and husband who has been fighting a rare cancer and just found out she's in remission. As I listened to the song and read the post, I just became overwhelmed. The words are below, so you'll see my connection to the posting.
I've heard about a lot of death lately. A co worker of Matt's that just lost her twin sister to a (likely avoidable car accident) tragedy from not wearing a seat belt, to a fellow cyclist of my dad's group who lost their 6 month old little girl, Elise to a defective heart\lung problem, to another co worker of Matt's, (who'd just lost her husband to a massive heart attack a month or so ago) lost her dad also to a heart attack on Sunday. It's just been everywhere around, more so than usual, lately. Then there is October 15th, the day we take time at 7pm to remember all of our precious children that were taken as infants, to our Heavenly Father. We just went to the Walk To Remember, ('we' meaning I met my dear friend Amber Moore who most recently experienced her third baby going to heaven too soon), which is held annually at the Botanical Gardens here in Birminbham, and although it was a memorial of all our babies who were gone too soon, I didn't feel the devastation, the horrible, aching grief like I felt 2 years ago when I went. I did cry and miss Layah, but I felt peace, and the love for her was what overwhelmed inside me, not that painful wave of sorrow. There was an unexpected speaker, as the planned speaker- a man- may have gotten the times mixed up since it was an hour earlier than the previous years, but it ended up being better than what I think this gentleman could've prepared to say. The speaker was one of the ladies involved in the walk and she had lost a son, after 2 healthy children, 32 years ago to a stillborn birth. She spoke from the heart and it was just real. Just like my sweet Granny who lost my mom's baby brother in the early 40's due to the croup at just 2 years old, the loss is still there, the love is still their for that child, so her voice broke a little as she told her story. I imagine we'll always have that, a little bit of emptiness as we talk of our children awaiting us in heaven, no matter if it's a year gone by or 20 years gone by.
I have so much more to catch up on, but briefly, I've made it my mission to get a March of Dimes licenses plate for the state of Alabama. The Birmingham chapter has not been as motivated as I would have expected. I have a guy that works here at BCBS that got the Alabama Child Caring Foundation tags completed a couple of years ago for uninsured children. He prepared me for the lengthy process, the challenges, and the strict state requirements I'll be faced with. I must have a mediator through the MOD in order to speak to the committee that we'll purpose our cause too. I've been told that 'it's been taken to her boss' by the Birmingham chapter contact, but if I don't hear back from her within 30 days, I'm gonna contact a different chapter. I want this done by 2013!
Also, I pumped my last time on Tuesday (today is Thursday). It was a little sad, but I'm still nursing Luke at night before I put him to bed, and early in the morning when he begins to stir. That bond has been so dear to me since although I pumped for 15 months with Tobi, he was just to weak to nurse so I never got to enjoy that experience like I have with Luke. It's unlike any other bond that can be created between mother and child, besides all of the obvious medical benefits. One of the main reasons I had to stop pumping is because as I've gradually reduced the times of day I have been pumping since Luke turned 1, I noticed pretty suddenly, that my breasts implants dont feel the same, or look the same, to me as they did before I got pregnant with Luke. I went to see Dr. Johnson yesterday and he said it could be just pregnancy related effects on the body, or it could be the implants. After I contacted my friend (who I leave unnamed) who I also referred to him and she breast fed after her implants, she felt the same way, that since her milk dried up, her implants didnt feel or look the same either, so it may be a defected batch of imlants, which are still under warranty and I would not have to come out of pocket the full amount if I had to have them redone. The only bad thing is if we want to have another child, do I want to chance it of having to have them redone a 3rd time if it's pregnancy effects and not the implants? proably not. We'll see what happens when I go back after I'm completely dry.
Now that I have a bit more time throughout the day, I will try to be better about updating this blog with my thoughts and devotionals. I NEED it so much! I will post a devotion very soon.
Faithfully His,
Matt Maher's "Alive Again"

I woke up in darkness
Surrounded by silence
Oh where, oh where have I gone?
I woke to reality
Losing its grip on me
Oh where, where have I gone?
'Cause I can see the light
Before I see the sunrise
You called and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out I'm alive again
Late have I loved
YouYou waited for me, I searched for
YouWhat took me so long?
I was looking outside
As if Love would ever want to hideI'm finding
I was wrong'
Cause I feel the wind
Before it hits my skin
'Cause I want
You,Yes I want You
I need You, and I'll do
Whatever I have to just to get through
'Cause I love You,
Yeah I love You

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