I heard this song today on WDJC's flashback Friday and I always try and listen to the words, but it's just such a powerful song. He Is, by Aaron Jeoffrey. Listen to it online if you have a few minutes. I know it will touch your heart the way it does mine.
"In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our High Priest
Numbers, The fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice
Judges, law giver
In Ruth, the kinsmen-redeemer
First and second Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign
Ezra, true and faithful scribe
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry
Ecclesiastes, the time and season
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
He is, He is, HE IS!
In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire
In Hosea, He is forever faithful
In Joel, He's the Spirits power
In Amos, the arms that carry us
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior
In Jonah, He's the great missionary
In Micah, the promise of peace
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage
In Zechariah, our fountain
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
He is, He is, HE IS!
In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven
In Romans, He's the grace of God
In Corinthians, the power of love
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servants heart
In Colossians, He's the Godhead Trinity
Thessalonians, our coming King
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant
In James, the one who heals the sick.
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords
He is, He is, HE IS!
The prince of peaceThe Son of man The Lamb of God The great I AM He's the alpha and omegaOur God and our Savior He is Jesus Christ the Lordand when time is no more He is, HE IS! "
Faithfully His, Mika
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Our Faithful God
I went for my weekly appointment today, and just to have nothing "new" is awesome. Before I left for my appointment, I noticed Dr. Ramsey had sent me an email from TX. I was actually planning on emailing him Thursday, when I'm "officially" 30 weeks, but he beat me to it. He had been talking to Joey about my progress and was thrilled. It was so nice of him to think of me and my family. He gave me his new work address and said to make sure if I had any friends that were in the San Antonio, TX area that he could help, to direct them to him, (of course I would, but I don't think that's likely). Joey measured me and said I was measuring exactly 30 weeks. My blood sugar was normal, my blood pressure was actually what it normally is when I'm not pregnant, and he said my weight was fine. He listened to Luke's heart and said it was perfect. It was a very short-and sweet- appointment. I'm so blessed to be seen by some of the best high risk OBGYN physicians in the country. These guys are the ones that get the grants to do the studies, and I'm privileged to be a part of some of them.
After I had my appointment, I met my best friend (like my sister) Joy at the Paperworks Outlet downtown. We were looking for what I might want as my baby shower invitations. I had already found the "perfect ones". I am very excited about them, and hope they turn out as cute as they are online. It's almost surreal that I'm actually getting to start "planning". It's still a bit nerve-racking, because satan tends to put worry and doubt and fear in my mind, that this wont happen. BUT, God is so faithful. He has a plan, that's better than mine. I still fine myself crying in the car, or even sometimes at work when I hear a praise and worship song that touches that grief that's still so fresh in my heart. I miss Layah terribly. I still can feel her tiny, soft head in my hands, and how it felt on my lips as I kissed her goodbye. I can still feel her tiny feet in my hands, touching each of her perfectly developed toes. I can still feel tracing her tiny lips, perfectly symetrical. Why? Why couldnt we have found out the problem before her? I will never know. I will never get that answer until I can ask Him face to face. I have said it before, but I never imagined how difficult, emotionally, this pregnancy would be, after losing Layah. Most pregnant moms have some anxiety and worry, but it's completely different when things have turned out so tragic and then you attempting to walk down that path to motherhood again. I'm so blessed to have so many holding Luke, me, and my family up in prayer. As I read the story of Jonathan and David's friendship, and how unconditional their friendship was, I know many of my closest friends show this example.
Again, i want to ask for pray for Johanna Sims, who lost twins at 18 weeks. There has been some question as to whether or not she has an ectopic pregnancy. We are praying that there is abnormal pregnancy tissue in the uterus, and that it is not in the tubes, which could require surgery and added problems to fertility for her. I know it seems like an odd prayer request, but this is the better outcome than an ectopic pregnancy. Please continue to lift up Amber,(who has lost 3 babies at different gestations) as she battles with her body over an ovarian cyst. Also, I mentioned a co worker's fellow church member, Jessica Prescott. She has had problems with preterm labor and at 27 weeks, has now had her water break. Please pray that the Lord will continue to develop her tiny baby girl, Sayla Grace, and that He will give her life, both in and out of the womb, when her time comes to be born into this world. ***** Update: Jessica gave birth to Sayla early this morning. She weighed 1 lbs 12 oz. That's all I know for now***** I also have recently met another mom, who recently (almost 3 weeks ago) lost her son at 38 weeks for unknown reasons. I ask that you pray that she will be able to grieve for her son, and that she will head the Lord's will for when to begin to start trying to conceive again. I pray peace for her, comfort, and healing both in her body and her spirit. Thank you prayer warriors for standing in aggreement with us in our current circumstances, and expecting God to do great and miraculous works in and through us.
Faithfully His,
Mika
After I had my appointment, I met my best friend (like my sister) Joy at the Paperworks Outlet downtown. We were looking for what I might want as my baby shower invitations. I had already found the "perfect ones". I am very excited about them, and hope they turn out as cute as they are online. It's almost surreal that I'm actually getting to start "planning". It's still a bit nerve-racking, because satan tends to put worry and doubt and fear in my mind, that this wont happen. BUT, God is so faithful. He has a plan, that's better than mine. I still fine myself crying in the car, or even sometimes at work when I hear a praise and worship song that touches that grief that's still so fresh in my heart. I miss Layah terribly. I still can feel her tiny, soft head in my hands, and how it felt on my lips as I kissed her goodbye. I can still feel her tiny feet in my hands, touching each of her perfectly developed toes. I can still feel tracing her tiny lips, perfectly symetrical. Why? Why couldnt we have found out the problem before her? I will never know. I will never get that answer until I can ask Him face to face. I have said it before, but I never imagined how difficult, emotionally, this pregnancy would be, after losing Layah. Most pregnant moms have some anxiety and worry, but it's completely different when things have turned out so tragic and then you attempting to walk down that path to motherhood again. I'm so blessed to have so many holding Luke, me, and my family up in prayer. As I read the story of Jonathan and David's friendship, and how unconditional their friendship was, I know many of my closest friends show this example.
Again, i want to ask for pray for Johanna Sims, who lost twins at 18 weeks. There has been some question as to whether or not she has an ectopic pregnancy. We are praying that there is abnormal pregnancy tissue in the uterus, and that it is not in the tubes, which could require surgery and added problems to fertility for her. I know it seems like an odd prayer request, but this is the better outcome than an ectopic pregnancy. Please continue to lift up Amber,(who has lost 3 babies at different gestations) as she battles with her body over an ovarian cyst. Also, I mentioned a co worker's fellow church member, Jessica Prescott. She has had problems with preterm labor and at 27 weeks, has now had her water break. Please pray that the Lord will continue to develop her tiny baby girl, Sayla Grace, and that He will give her life, both in and out of the womb, when her time comes to be born into this world. ***** Update: Jessica gave birth to Sayla early this morning. She weighed 1 lbs 12 oz. That's all I know for now***** I also have recently met another mom, who recently (almost 3 weeks ago) lost her son at 38 weeks for unknown reasons. I ask that you pray that she will be able to grieve for her son, and that she will head the Lord's will for when to begin to start trying to conceive again. I pray peace for her, comfort, and healing both in her body and her spirit. Thank you prayer warriors for standing in aggreement with us in our current circumstances, and expecting God to do great and miraculous works in and through us.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
OB update and our listening skills
I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. (w00hoo!!) Yesterday we had our weekly visit with Joey. Matt and my mom came, since we were having the 4D ultrasound. We listened to Luke's heart beat, and all was good. I couldn't believe I didn't gain weight, since we had gone out to eat at Cheesecake Factory, so that was good. The tech did the U/S and measured his head, and checked his heart, and overall growth. She said he weighs (a whopping) 2 lbs 15 oz, the biggest baby I've carried so far! (Tobi was 2 lbs 3 oz, and Layah was 1 lb 4 oz) She said that Luke was head and feet down, so he's in a pike position, much like what you saw in the ultrasound picture a few posts back. She said his knees were by his head. I didn't think that sounded to comfortable! I thought about it and realized what I feel sometimes bulging on one side must be his little booty sticking out! We saw him sucking on his lip, so for now,I guess it's safe to say he's not gonna be a thumb-sucker! She turned the U/S machine to 4D and tried to get a good look at his face-in between his legs. We got a few good shots, and 2 of them appear that he's smiling. One of them, his eyelid looks cracked open, which I didn't realize they opened their eyes in the womb, but the tech said that they do. I'll get the pictures up here as soon as I can. So, no action- which is what we want-no activity but a growing belly, safely holding Luke inside.
The devotional I read today was interesting. It had a story of a man that told his doctor that he thought his wife was going deaf. The doctor told him to conduct a simple test. When the man reached the front door of his home, he called out, “Darling, is dinner ready?” Hearing no response, he walked inside and repeated himself. Still no reply. On the third try, when he was just behind her, he finally heard her say, “For the third time, yes!”, (proving the problem is usually the man, and not the woman....NO, I'm kidding!) The verses that were related to this story were Isaiah 42:1-4, 23-35. The Israelites thought God was deaf when the problem was actually them. Sometimes I think that is us. We keep saying, "God, you're not listening. I need this to happen, or I need that, or please do this or do that this way not that way..." and we have to remember "The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God” (Isa. 59:1-2). " Sometimes we are the problem, getting in the way of the Lord's blessings, sometimes it's because of sin, sometimes it's because we try to tell God how it should be, and sometimes we don't like His response, and act as though He's not answered. I am definitely guilty of this, as I am somewhat a perfectionist and like an order, or plan to go accordingly. Like many, I like control over events in my life. So when things don't, sometimes it makes me question if He's paying attention to what I'm going through...and honestly, sometimes question if He cares. He is paying attention and loves us more than we can know , and if we are sensitive enough, through prayer, worship, just spending time with Him and in His word, we will be able to discern what His response is.
Many of you have read previous post where I mentioned my friends Johanna and Amber. Johanna lost twin boys in March at 18 weeks after she had a 30+ hour labor due to her water breaking. Amber has lost 3: an ectopic pregnancy in 2004, which left her with one functioning fallopian tube, a son Adam at 19.5 weeks in 2005 due to a bacterial infection, and most recently a little girl, Camry Grace at 22.5 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Both of these women continue to walk this journey of grief, all the while, trying to get pregnant again. Amber recently told me that they found an ovarian cyst-which she named. (I know humor sometimes helps one cope). She's on high doses of birth control in hopes that the cyst might shrink, as they are trying to get in a position of trying fertility meds. Her PMS is torturous because of the hormones. Please pray for her healing, both physically and emotionally. The emotional roller coaster is very draining. Please pray that she will be able to start the fertility drugs soon, and they will be effective. Johanna has had a difficult time lately. She currently has an ectopic pregnancy, and has gotten an injection in hopes of trying to dissolve it to avoid surgery, as she continues to get her blood drawn to check for the pregnancy levels, in hopes they will come down. She says the shots make her feel terrible and bleed very heavily. She feels "at the end of her rope" . She is angry and frustrated and depressed-which is all understandable, as she says "all we want is a healthy baby to bring home with us, nothing more". I know this feeling all to well. Please pray with me for her healing as well, and that the Lord will give her the Peace that passes all understanding, that He'll give her hope, in knowing He only wants her to have life, and abundant. Pray that she will see it is not of the Lord that this is "attack" is happening to her. We live in a fallen creation where there is a spiritual battle going on all around us, and sometimes there are "casualties" where we are deeply affected by the enemy's attack, since they want to harm what the Lord holds so dear-us. Finally, today, a co worker and friend of mine, emailed me a request to pray for a family-The Prescott family, Owen and Jessica. Jessica went into labor and is 26 weeks with a girl, Sayla Grace. They were able to stop the contractions earlier, but it seems that this is no longer the situation. Obviously, this is very close to my heart, since Tobi came at 26.4. Please pray for all women. For Johanna and Amber will be able to conceive and birth a child into this world, healthy and full term, and Jessica's baby girl to stay in the safety of her womb, a bit longer, as every day is a big deal at this gestation. Thank you all so much for your support and prayers. I wouldn't have made it through all of this without your prayers and Him holding me. I've said this before, but if you are a mom, kiss your children and hug them extra tight tonight, being reminded just what a miracle each child that is born is.
Faithfully His,
Mika
The devotional I read today was interesting. It had a story of a man that told his doctor that he thought his wife was going deaf. The doctor told him to conduct a simple test. When the man reached the front door of his home, he called out, “Darling, is dinner ready?” Hearing no response, he walked inside and repeated himself. Still no reply. On the third try, when he was just behind her, he finally heard her say, “For the third time, yes!”, (proving the problem is usually the man, and not the woman....NO, I'm kidding!) The verses that were related to this story were Isaiah 42:1-4, 23-35. The Israelites thought God was deaf when the problem was actually them. Sometimes I think that is us. We keep saying, "God, you're not listening. I need this to happen, or I need that, or please do this or do that this way not that way..." and we have to remember "The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God” (Isa. 59:1-2). " Sometimes we are the problem, getting in the way of the Lord's blessings, sometimes it's because of sin, sometimes it's because we try to tell God how it should be, and sometimes we don't like His response, and act as though He's not answered. I am definitely guilty of this, as I am somewhat a perfectionist and like an order, or plan to go accordingly. Like many, I like control over events in my life. So when things don't, sometimes it makes me question if He's paying attention to what I'm going through...and honestly, sometimes question if He cares. He is paying attention and loves us more than we can know , and if we are sensitive enough, through prayer, worship, just spending time with Him and in His word, we will be able to discern what His response is.
Many of you have read previous post where I mentioned my friends Johanna and Amber. Johanna lost twin boys in March at 18 weeks after she had a 30+ hour labor due to her water breaking. Amber has lost 3: an ectopic pregnancy in 2004, which left her with one functioning fallopian tube, a son Adam at 19.5 weeks in 2005 due to a bacterial infection, and most recently a little girl, Camry Grace at 22.5 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Both of these women continue to walk this journey of grief, all the while, trying to get pregnant again. Amber recently told me that they found an ovarian cyst-which she named. (I know humor sometimes helps one cope). She's on high doses of birth control in hopes that the cyst might shrink, as they are trying to get in a position of trying fertility meds. Her PMS is torturous because of the hormones. Please pray for her healing, both physically and emotionally. The emotional roller coaster is very draining. Please pray that she will be able to start the fertility drugs soon, and they will be effective. Johanna has had a difficult time lately. She currently has an ectopic pregnancy, and has gotten an injection in hopes of trying to dissolve it to avoid surgery, as she continues to get her blood drawn to check for the pregnancy levels, in hopes they will come down. She says the shots make her feel terrible and bleed very heavily. She feels "at the end of her rope" . She is angry and frustrated and depressed-which is all understandable, as she says "all we want is a healthy baby to bring home with us, nothing more". I know this feeling all to well. Please pray with me for her healing as well, and that the Lord will give her the Peace that passes all understanding, that He'll give her hope, in knowing He only wants her to have life, and abundant. Pray that she will see it is not of the Lord that this is "attack" is happening to her. We live in a fallen creation where there is a spiritual battle going on all around us, and sometimes there are "casualties" where we are deeply affected by the enemy's attack, since they want to harm what the Lord holds so dear-us. Finally, today, a co worker and friend of mine, emailed me a request to pray for a family-The Prescott family, Owen and Jessica. Jessica went into labor and is 26 weeks with a girl, Sayla Grace. They were able to stop the contractions earlier, but it seems that this is no longer the situation. Obviously, this is very close to my heart, since Tobi came at 26.4. Please pray for all women. For Johanna and Amber will be able to conceive and birth a child into this world, healthy and full term, and Jessica's baby girl to stay in the safety of her womb, a bit longer, as every day is a big deal at this gestation. Thank you all so much for your support and prayers. I wouldn't have made it through all of this without your prayers and Him holding me. I've said this before, but if you are a mom, kiss your children and hug them extra tight tonight, being reminded just what a miracle each child that is born is.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Saturday, July 18, 2009
OB update, visit back to RNICU, Fire at our house, 30th birthday on Sunday....too much excitement
First I want to start off with, we are fine, all of us are doing great, Matt, Me, Tobi, and Luke. We are fine.
Thursday I had my scheduled OB visit with Joey and he said that based on the blood glucose levels he got from me testing for the past week, there was no reason for me to keep checking. He wasn't sure how I failed the GTT and said that it was so marginal, it was not an issue. He would check it randomly as I came in for my appointments. We are measuring 28.4-which I was told it was rare for petite women to measure exact, and I am. Joey said that next week we are gonna do the 4-D ultrasound. I'm very excited, as we've never had one before. I asked him what our "goal" was and said, "39?" and he said, "how bout we do mini goals? 30, 32, 34...etc". He knows me well enough to know I like a plan. So after my appointment, I went to visit my dear friend Rachel, I've talked about, that lost her son Isaac, the December before Layah came, on his birthday after only 18 minutes, from Trisomy 16, a chromosomal defect that was detected and terminally diagnosed at 16 weeks. She had a precious daughter, Annabella on the 3rd of July. To make a long story short she had an infection from her c-section and was admitted to be treated with IV antibiotics. (This happened to me after Tobi, but mine was an abscess from some blood left behind after the section). I took her the breast pump I'd used with Tobi, as I have a newer one I got with Layah. We had a great visit, and after about an hour and half, I told her I was gonna try to go down to the RNICU (nursery where Tobi and Layah were). I knew if I started down there, and with my superhero smell right now, if it was too much, I'd get on the elevator and just leave. But I prayed I would be okay. I really wanted to do it. As I passed the all too familiar family waiting room, I saw, at a distance, a nurse keying in her code to get in the RNICU, and asked her if she could hold the door. As I got closer to her, she and I both recognized one another. It was one of the nurses that kept Layah at night. We talked as we walked to the side where she was working-which was the exact spot Layah's short life was spent. Another nurse that didn't keep Layah, but was there when she was there, and recognized me, also was glad to see me-big and pregnant. As we chatted, Jill walked up. She was Tobi's first nurse, that I adored and she helped me learn how to take his temp and change his tiny diaper on his 2 lb body. Jill's mother had been really ill and when she had op surgery several years ago, her pre op nurse was Matt's mom. Jill didn't get to keep Layah, but she was there when we were. I didn't cry, as we talked, and I was pleasantly surprised. Than I asked Jill if Dr. Randolph was around, (he was the precious doctor that was there when Layah passed, and pronounced her). She said he was not working that day. I wanted him to know that , although he never knew, I ordered Layah's medical records. I knew why and how she died, but for me is was another piece of my journey through grief. I needed to have a tangible piece of the medical information. At the very end of his medical dictation, he had written, "may she rest in peace". I wept as I read it and got choked up telling Jill about it. It just showed me that not only does this team of doctors and nurses in the RNICU work so hard to keep these babies alive with medical technology, they are also so compassionate and kind and recognize these tiny babies are precious lives. It was very meaningful to me that he wrote that, when he had no idea, I would read that. So, Jill told me that she didn't want to see me in the RNICU, but as soon as Luke came, to let them know so they could come and visit us in the WELL BABY NURSERY. I left very at peace. The smells, the beeps, and all the commotion and activity was the same, but I was not. The Lord walked with me in and out of there. I was very glad I went.
Friday night was a whole other "adventure". Matt had gone over to a friend's house. He got home about 10:30. I was still awake. He told me he was really tired. He went to the living room, and ended up falling asleep on the couch watching a DVD. I went in there about midnight and told him I was turning everything off and to come to bed. I walked back to our room and got in bed. He went to the guest bathroom and then he didn't come to bed. I got up when I saw the light still on down the hall; he was in the kitchen. Most nights, Matt will eat something really late. I got in the bed, and I guess maybe 30 minutes later I smelled something burning. I started walking down the hall and there was smoke all in the kitchen, dining and living room. Matt was over at the stove at this point. I was trying to get the back door open to get some of the smoke out. When he took the lid off the skillet (he'd left cooking on low & he fell back asleep), the food (fried shrimp, in a little olive oil)caught fire. As he was trying to get to the back door, some of it flew onto the floor, still on fire. I grabbed a beach towel, we keep at the back door for cleaning Gracey's feet off when she comes in, and began trying to get the fire out on the floor-our newly installed laminent that Matt and his dad put in in April. The smoke detectors had not gone off. I went and got Tobi, (the smoke had not yet made it that far down the hall) and went to put him in the van. Gracey did not bark or anything, which kinda surprised me, since she's such a loyal dog. She just flew out the back once we got the back door open. I went back in and got my purse from our bedroom, and Matt had opened all the doors by now. I was upset and bawling crying because it hit me that we could have died- and the weekend of my 30th birthday. I called my mom and asked her to bring some fans over. It was 1am. She lives in Helena and has trouble sleeping many nights, so she happened to have been awake when I called, so she came right over. I called 911 because I was afraid the smoke was still poisonous and didn't want to go back in till I knew it was safe. I told them there was no fire, and it was just a lot of smoke. They came, (thank God with only the lights flashing and no sirens) along with an ambulance. I got some oxygen since I was coughing my wasn't stating 100% on the pulsoxiemter, and my pulse was racing. It was wiered how a few minutes of 100% oxygen can make you feel so much better. Matt ended up getting a good bit of oxygen too because he'd gone in and out after I stopped going in. The firemen opened the windows and took in a heavy-duty fan to suck some of the smoke out. They checked the smoke detectors, (which are wired into the house's power, and backed up by a battery), but all were working. There just wasn't one close enough to the kitchen and dining room, as there should be. We spent the rest of the night at my mom's. I couldn't sleep well. Matt, of course, felt horrible, but it was an accident and he will never again cook anything in the middle of the night; he'll eat a sandwich or cereal or something. So that was that. We were safe. The good Lord woke me and Matt and we were able to keep any serious damage from happening to us or the house. Oh, and the floors were perfect, no damage, so if you're thinking about putting hardwood or laminent, laminent is the way to go; it doesnt burn quickly. Now we are just battling getting the house deodorized from this horrible smoke smell. It'll dissipate, but not quick enough for me and my k9 smell along with migraines.
Today, Mom and I got some stuff to start deodorizing the house, and then repotted my peace lillies that I got at Layah's funeral. My dear mother in law made my favorite meal she cooks-salsbury steak, mashed potatoes, steamed broccali, and she bought me a mini cake from Publix. It was a nice ending to an eventful day! We were all pooped from being up so early. I read the devotional for Friday and this was the verse:
"Psalm 18:1-6 ....I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help.From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears."
The devotional talked about that sometimes after a trauma we brace ourselves for what might be coming next. If we’ve had a phone call that brought bad news, every time the phone rings we feel panicky and wonder, What has happened now?
The psalmist David felt this way, as King Saul was trying to kill him, and David just knew he was going to die soon. He called out to the Lord, as the Lord calmed him and was his refuge and protector. I was reminded that, all though many of us who have a relationship with the Lord, still will feel, at times, like "what the heck?! what bad is gonna happen next? why cant I get a break?" but He "hears our voice and our cry comes before Him, INTO HIS EARS!" He was with us Saturday morning, just as He has been all along, through all the storms we've faced. I think Satan wants us to question God's prescence in our life and if He really wants us to be happy. We know, because of His word, He is with us all the time, and He has a plan for us and wants us to be happy-no matter what the circumstance.
Sunday night, we will celebrate my 30th birthday at the Cheesecake Factory-which I just couldn't go to last year after Layah passed in June, but we typically do every year for my birthday. I praise God for 30 years of life on this earth, but most importantly, that my path is directed towards Him, every day, week, month, year, from now until I see His face.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Thursday I had my scheduled OB visit with Joey and he said that based on the blood glucose levels he got from me testing for the past week, there was no reason for me to keep checking. He wasn't sure how I failed the GTT and said that it was so marginal, it was not an issue. He would check it randomly as I came in for my appointments. We are measuring 28.4-which I was told it was rare for petite women to measure exact, and I am. Joey said that next week we are gonna do the 4-D ultrasound. I'm very excited, as we've never had one before. I asked him what our "goal" was and said, "39?" and he said, "how bout we do mini goals? 30, 32, 34...etc". He knows me well enough to know I like a plan. So after my appointment, I went to visit my dear friend Rachel, I've talked about, that lost her son Isaac, the December before Layah came, on his birthday after only 18 minutes, from Trisomy 16, a chromosomal defect that was detected and terminally diagnosed at 16 weeks. She had a precious daughter, Annabella on the 3rd of July. To make a long story short she had an infection from her c-section and was admitted to be treated with IV antibiotics. (This happened to me after Tobi, but mine was an abscess from some blood left behind after the section). I took her the breast pump I'd used with Tobi, as I have a newer one I got with Layah. We had a great visit, and after about an hour and half, I told her I was gonna try to go down to the RNICU (nursery where Tobi and Layah were). I knew if I started down there, and with my superhero smell right now, if it was too much, I'd get on the elevator and just leave. But I prayed I would be okay. I really wanted to do it. As I passed the all too familiar family waiting room, I saw, at a distance, a nurse keying in her code to get in the RNICU, and asked her if she could hold the door. As I got closer to her, she and I both recognized one another. It was one of the nurses that kept Layah at night. We talked as we walked to the side where she was working-which was the exact spot Layah's short life was spent. Another nurse that didn't keep Layah, but was there when she was there, and recognized me, also was glad to see me-big and pregnant. As we chatted, Jill walked up. She was Tobi's first nurse, that I adored and she helped me learn how to take his temp and change his tiny diaper on his 2 lb body. Jill's mother had been really ill and when she had op surgery several years ago, her pre op nurse was Matt's mom. Jill didn't get to keep Layah, but she was there when we were. I didn't cry, as we talked, and I was pleasantly surprised. Than I asked Jill if Dr. Randolph was around, (he was the precious doctor that was there when Layah passed, and pronounced her). She said he was not working that day. I wanted him to know that , although he never knew, I ordered Layah's medical records. I knew why and how she died, but for me is was another piece of my journey through grief. I needed to have a tangible piece of the medical information. At the very end of his medical dictation, he had written, "may she rest in peace". I wept as I read it and got choked up telling Jill about it. It just showed me that not only does this team of doctors and nurses in the RNICU work so hard to keep these babies alive with medical technology, they are also so compassionate and kind and recognize these tiny babies are precious lives. It was very meaningful to me that he wrote that, when he had no idea, I would read that. So, Jill told me that she didn't want to see me in the RNICU, but as soon as Luke came, to let them know so they could come and visit us in the WELL BABY NURSERY. I left very at peace. The smells, the beeps, and all the commotion and activity was the same, but I was not. The Lord walked with me in and out of there. I was very glad I went.
Friday night was a whole other "adventure". Matt had gone over to a friend's house. He got home about 10:30. I was still awake. He told me he was really tired. He went to the living room, and ended up falling asleep on the couch watching a DVD. I went in there about midnight and told him I was turning everything off and to come to bed. I walked back to our room and got in bed. He went to the guest bathroom and then he didn't come to bed. I got up when I saw the light still on down the hall; he was in the kitchen. Most nights, Matt will eat something really late. I got in the bed, and I guess maybe 30 minutes later I smelled something burning. I started walking down the hall and there was smoke all in the kitchen, dining and living room. Matt was over at the stove at this point. I was trying to get the back door open to get some of the smoke out. When he took the lid off the skillet (he'd left cooking on low & he fell back asleep), the food (fried shrimp, in a little olive oil)caught fire. As he was trying to get to the back door, some of it flew onto the floor, still on fire. I grabbed a beach towel, we keep at the back door for cleaning Gracey's feet off when she comes in, and began trying to get the fire out on the floor-our newly installed laminent that Matt and his dad put in in April. The smoke detectors had not gone off. I went and got Tobi, (the smoke had not yet made it that far down the hall) and went to put him in the van. Gracey did not bark or anything, which kinda surprised me, since she's such a loyal dog. She just flew out the back once we got the back door open. I went back in and got my purse from our bedroom, and Matt had opened all the doors by now. I was upset and bawling crying because it hit me that we could have died- and the weekend of my 30th birthday. I called my mom and asked her to bring some fans over. It was 1am. She lives in Helena and has trouble sleeping many nights, so she happened to have been awake when I called, so she came right over. I called 911 because I was afraid the smoke was still poisonous and didn't want to go back in till I knew it was safe. I told them there was no fire, and it was just a lot of smoke. They came, (thank God with only the lights flashing and no sirens) along with an ambulance. I got some oxygen since I was coughing my wasn't stating 100% on the pulsoxiemter, and my pulse was racing. It was wiered how a few minutes of 100% oxygen can make you feel so much better. Matt ended up getting a good bit of oxygen too because he'd gone in and out after I stopped going in. The firemen opened the windows and took in a heavy-duty fan to suck some of the smoke out. They checked the smoke detectors, (which are wired into the house's power, and backed up by a battery), but all were working. There just wasn't one close enough to the kitchen and dining room, as there should be. We spent the rest of the night at my mom's. I couldn't sleep well. Matt, of course, felt horrible, but it was an accident and he will never again cook anything in the middle of the night; he'll eat a sandwich or cereal or something. So that was that. We were safe. The good Lord woke me and Matt and we were able to keep any serious damage from happening to us or the house. Oh, and the floors were perfect, no damage, so if you're thinking about putting hardwood or laminent, laminent is the way to go; it doesnt burn quickly. Now we are just battling getting the house deodorized from this horrible smoke smell. It'll dissipate, but not quick enough for me and my k9 smell along with migraines.
Today, Mom and I got some stuff to start deodorizing the house, and then repotted my peace lillies that I got at Layah's funeral. My dear mother in law made my favorite meal she cooks-salsbury steak, mashed potatoes, steamed broccali, and she bought me a mini cake from Publix. It was a nice ending to an eventful day! We were all pooped from being up so early. I read the devotional for Friday and this was the verse:
"Psalm 18:1-6 ....I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help.From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears."
The devotional talked about that sometimes after a trauma we brace ourselves for what might be coming next. If we’ve had a phone call that brought bad news, every time the phone rings we feel panicky and wonder, What has happened now?
The psalmist David felt this way, as King Saul was trying to kill him, and David just knew he was going to die soon. He called out to the Lord, as the Lord calmed him and was his refuge and protector. I was reminded that, all though many of us who have a relationship with the Lord, still will feel, at times, like "what the heck?! what bad is gonna happen next? why cant I get a break?" but He "hears our voice and our cry comes before Him, INTO HIS EARS!" He was with us Saturday morning, just as He has been all along, through all the storms we've faced. I think Satan wants us to question God's prescence in our life and if He really wants us to be happy. We know, because of His word, He is with us all the time, and He has a plan for us and wants us to be happy-no matter what the circumstance.
Sunday night, we will celebrate my 30th birthday at the Cheesecake Factory-which I just couldn't go to last year after Layah passed in June, but we typically do every year for my birthday. I praise God for 30 years of life on this earth, but most importantly, that my path is directed towards Him, every day, week, month, year, from now until I see His face.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Always
This may be a longer post than normal, but I have a lot to say. I wanted to post a blog last night, but my dear husband was hogging the computer. I have been reading a book called Letters from a Skeptic (A Son Wrestles with His Father's Questions About Christianity) This book really touches home for me. The writer is a professor of apologetics-the study of defending the Christian faith against objections which Non Christians have and presenting positive reasons for the TRUTHFULNESS of the Christian faith. He is a graduate from Yale and Princeton. It is not really a "debate", more like a conversation back in forth, by letters written between this skeptical father and son, who is a beliver. The son is explaining to his father not only his reasons for being a follow of Christ, but also answering many tough questions that we Christians get thrown: Why is the world so full of suffering? Why did God create Satan? Why didn't God spare a loved one? Isn't the Bible full of myths and God's vengeance? There are many more. I've been drawn into this book and would encourage any believer to get this book. It will help you not only defend your faith, but also possibly answer some questions that we, ourselves, have.
One of my dear friends I've mentioned before, recently thought she was pregnant. She lost twin boys about 3 months ago, at 18 weeks. I was concerned about her jumping right back into things and getting pregnant so soon after her loss, but I can totally relate to that desire. She hadn't emailed me in awhile, even after I would email her to let her know I was continuing to pray for her as she grieved for her boys and longed to get pregnant quickly again. My only conclusion is that the pregnancy was not viable. Before it was confirmed, I could tell in her email how angry she was; she didn't know if she could take it, if it was not. I remember these feelings ver well. Many of you know Christmas Eve I took a pregnancy test and on New Years Eve, was told that it was a "chemical pregnancy". I was devastated. Why would He allow that to happen? It was a slap-in-the-face after all we'd been through. I heard this song yesterday and as I listened to the words, which I later emailed to my friend, I was overwhelmed with my longing for Layah, and the pain of missing her. I was also hurting for my friend going down this path I walked not so long ago. The song is called "Always" and it's by the group Building 429. Here are the lyrics:
I was standing in the pour raining
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say
(Chorus)
But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always
He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He's barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way
(Chorus)
Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on
Chorus
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you
I just began to weep, for Layah, for my friend and the others that have lost their precious child\children. I was reminded of something that was in this book I've been reading, the son was explaining to the Father about with man having the potential for great love, he also has the same potential for great evil. He was telling his father about God's love, and how many who date or court your spouse for any length of time, it's basically making sure you love this person, kind of a "probationary period". But with God there is no probationary period for love. The author wrote, "To be unable to not love is the highest form of freedom in love." The author was talking to his dad about that "we create our character with our decisions, and our character, in turn, exercises more and more of the decisions we make"- the more bad, wrong, or evil decisions we make, the more our character becomes that evil. (Ok now I'm getting off on a tangent). Back to my point, God's love is perfect, and He has already proven it to us. Even if another good thing never happened again to us, He's already proven how much His eternal love for each of us is. As my heart broke for my friend, I thought, "how much more does His heart hurt, when His children's hearts hurt?" Just like what I described in my post for Good Friday and the cross, He has a Father's heart. Yes, He is God, but with freedom to choose or not to choose Him on this earth, there also comes good and evil, the battle being waged around us, without us seeing it with our human eyes. So many bad things, Layah's death, Tobi's early birth, Matt's addiction, my CPT2 and eating disorder, etc. I can plainly see that this was evil, "principalities" waging war on me, my family, God's daughter, because of how much He loves me. It's not Him "testing" me or my faith, but the principalities of this world, yet the spiritiual relm of it, and "their" freedom to "attack" us. Why does He intervene with some and not others? I still will never be able to answer that. But His love is clear. His love for us is perfect, all the while we are NOT. God's description of His kind of love? Here it is:
1 Corinthians 13"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." The author of one of my devotionals said, "Godly love endures beyond life's hurts by pulling us relentlessly toward the never-diminshing care of the Father". I thought that was a powerful statement. When we experience loss, disappointment, the pains of this world, that's when we need His "kind of" love the most. Like the verse and song says, Love/He never fails.
As I approach the big 3-0 this Sunday, I have mixed emotions. I had always planned to have finished having all of my children by 30, but guess what? His ways are not our ways. He is all knowing, but at the same time, I believe, (after reading some of this book), God also limits His own power in knowing our futures-until we make a choice, a decision. After all, if we have been given free will, if He were to control our decisions, it wouldn't be free, would it? I know that many decisions I've made poorly, but the awesome thing is, even after I have made those decisions, our merciful God can take that mess, and make it beautiful, and be glorified by what comes out of it.
I will be 28 weeks tomorrow, and I know just how faithful He has been and is and will continue to be. I am going for my weekly OB appointment after I get Tobi registered for 1st grade, (OMG!! I cant believe he's already going in 1st grade!) I've had no eleveated levels of my glucose, (the 4 times a day I have to check it! Ugh!), and for that I'm thankful. I'm convinced it's because I wasnt snacking, so I was peaking and crashing. I will post, (maybe a bit briefer) tomorrow and update you all.
Faithfully His,
Mika
One of my dear friends I've mentioned before, recently thought she was pregnant. She lost twin boys about 3 months ago, at 18 weeks. I was concerned about her jumping right back into things and getting pregnant so soon after her loss, but I can totally relate to that desire. She hadn't emailed me in awhile, even after I would email her to let her know I was continuing to pray for her as she grieved for her boys and longed to get pregnant quickly again. My only conclusion is that the pregnancy was not viable. Before it was confirmed, I could tell in her email how angry she was; she didn't know if she could take it, if it was not. I remember these feelings ver well. Many of you know Christmas Eve I took a pregnancy test and on New Years Eve, was told that it was a "chemical pregnancy". I was devastated. Why would He allow that to happen? It was a slap-in-the-face after all we'd been through. I heard this song yesterday and as I listened to the words, which I later emailed to my friend, I was overwhelmed with my longing for Layah, and the pain of missing her. I was also hurting for my friend going down this path I walked not so long ago. The song is called "Always" and it's by the group Building 429. Here are the lyrics:
I was standing in the pour raining
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say
(Chorus)
But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always
He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He's barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way
(Chorus)
Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on
Chorus
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you
I just began to weep, for Layah, for my friend and the others that have lost their precious child\children. I was reminded of something that was in this book I've been reading, the son was explaining to the Father about with man having the potential for great love, he also has the same potential for great evil. He was telling his father about God's love, and how many who date or court your spouse for any length of time, it's basically making sure you love this person, kind of a "probationary period". But with God there is no probationary period for love. The author wrote, "To be unable to not love is the highest form of freedom in love." The author was talking to his dad about that "we create our character with our decisions, and our character, in turn, exercises more and more of the decisions we make"- the more bad, wrong, or evil decisions we make, the more our character becomes that evil. (Ok now I'm getting off on a tangent). Back to my point, God's love is perfect, and He has already proven it to us. Even if another good thing never happened again to us, He's already proven how much His eternal love for each of us is. As my heart broke for my friend, I thought, "how much more does His heart hurt, when His children's hearts hurt?" Just like what I described in my post for Good Friday and the cross, He has a Father's heart. Yes, He is God, but with freedom to choose or not to choose Him on this earth, there also comes good and evil, the battle being waged around us, without us seeing it with our human eyes. So many bad things, Layah's death, Tobi's early birth, Matt's addiction, my CPT2 and eating disorder, etc. I can plainly see that this was evil, "principalities" waging war on me, my family, God's daughter, because of how much He loves me. It's not Him "testing" me or my faith, but the principalities of this world, yet the spiritiual relm of it, and "their" freedom to "attack" us. Why does He intervene with some and not others? I still will never be able to answer that. But His love is clear. His love for us is perfect, all the while we are NOT. God's description of His kind of love? Here it is:
1 Corinthians 13"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." The author of one of my devotionals said, "Godly love endures beyond life's hurts by pulling us relentlessly toward the never-diminshing care of the Father". I thought that was a powerful statement. When we experience loss, disappointment, the pains of this world, that's when we need His "kind of" love the most. Like the verse and song says, Love/He never fails.
As I approach the big 3-0 this Sunday, I have mixed emotions. I had always planned to have finished having all of my children by 30, but guess what? His ways are not our ways. He is all knowing, but at the same time, I believe, (after reading some of this book), God also limits His own power in knowing our futures-until we make a choice, a decision. After all, if we have been given free will, if He were to control our decisions, it wouldn't be free, would it? I know that many decisions I've made poorly, but the awesome thing is, even after I have made those decisions, our merciful God can take that mess, and make it beautiful, and be glorified by what comes out of it.
I will be 28 weeks tomorrow, and I know just how faithful He has been and is and will continue to be. I am going for my weekly OB appointment after I get Tobi registered for 1st grade, (OMG!! I cant believe he's already going in 1st grade!) I've had no eleveated levels of my glucose, (the 4 times a day I have to check it! Ugh!), and for that I'm thankful. I'm convinced it's because I wasnt snacking, so I was peaking and crashing. I will post, (maybe a bit briefer) tomorrow and update you all.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
OB update, the wierd gets wierder
I want to start off with this poem I read a few minutes ago.
" The eyes of faith when fixed on Christ.
Give hope for what’s ahead;
But focus on life’s obstacles,
And faith gives way to dread. —D. De Haan"
This was important for the day that I've had. The verse was also encouraging,
2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ..... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
See, I went in for my glucose testing today, the repeat, since I failed the one last Wednesday that was just for an hour. I didn't realize it would be an all day thing. I got there at 7:20am and didn't leave until 3:00. I'm pooped. My first blood check, after having fasted since midnight last night was 74, which is normal, anything below 100. Then I drank this very sugary-type "kool-aid" and my blood check an hour later was 166, normal is 165 and lower. They checked it again another hour later and it was 154, normal on that one is 145 and lower. I couldn't believe it! What the heck! I was very perplexed and frustrated. I left to get some lunch before seeing the doctor (Joey's was L&D today), Dr. Kimberlin. I almost wasn't hungry, even though I hadn't had anything to eat or drink for over 12 hours. I ate, but was not really able to enjoy it. I kept thinking, "this cant be. Diabetes is for overweight, non-exercising, folks, or someone that has a family history of the disease" none of that applies to me. I called my CPT2 doctor, Dr. Claussen, a neurologist at UAB Kirklin Clinic and told her nurse the results. She requested the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) clinic fax the info over and she'd get the results to her when she came in tomorrow. I asked the nurse, "how can I have a 75% complex carbohydrate diet for my metabolic myopathy, if I'm suppose to restrict glucose?" She didn't have any answers, but assured me that she'd get the info to Dr. Claussen, (remember this myopathy is very, very rare, and even in the patients that do end up receiving a confirmed diagnosis are mostly male; it's 80% male! so how many woman who are pregnant that have CPT2 end up having symptoms of gestational diabetes? uh, probably like none) . As I went back to the clinic to see Dr. Kimberlin after lunch I just kept saying, "Lord, I don't know what's up, but you are in control. I know You are faithful and wont let anything happen to me or Luke". Dr Kimberlin was not alarmed at the results, as they were barely abnormal. She said she wanted my blood glucose levels checked 4 times a day for now, to get a pattern. She didn't want me restricting anything at this point, since that could lead to a crisis of large proportion if I limited carbs, especially pregnant-worse case senerio it could cause kidney failure. I told her that maybe my glucose levels are suppose to be higher, after all, most chemistry in my body is not typical of the average patient, and again, there is probably NO data on this situation, female patient with CPT2 pregnant. She wasn't sure, but said it was possible. I was given a meter and the lancets and test strips to monitor the glucose levels, and also prescribed strips to check the ketones in my urin each morning, which can show unused glucose-which I can use these anyway, since it can make sure I'm getting enough caloric value. Honestly this is gonna suck. Sorry if that offends you, but it's how I feel. Like I said before, I'd rather get my weekly shot than have to prick my finger. I'm learning less painful ways of testing, but it's still not fun. I am anxious to see how the week goes and how all this pans out. I told my BCBSAL nurse, and the nutritionist at the MFM clinic, that I probably should be diligent, which I have not been, about eating smaller meals, more often, throughout the day. If I keep a consistent level of glucose in my body from food and drink, it may make a significant difference, since I've been eating larger meals and few snacks. So, that is how my day ended....at least I ended up educating the dietician on something she'd never heard of, (she had to go google it while we watched a video about gestational diabetes!).
So reading that verse was like drinking ice cold water, refreshing. I needed to be reminded, all of this, everything here on earth, is a "light and momentary trouble", and I may be pressed on each side, struck down, persecuted, BUT because of our Lord Jesus, we are all victorers. He is renewing my body and my spirit day by day. He is keeping Luke safe and healthy. I must "fix my eyes on the unseen", which to me is the promise that God will bring Luke safely and healthy into our lives. As Christians, it's often easy for us to comfort others with encouraging words of "everything will be fine" but our Precious Heavenly Father often times needs to tell us "Himself".
Also, my dear sweet friend Rachel, who lost her precious son Isaac on the day of his birth, had her sweet baby girl, Annabella Karen Stover on Friday at UAB. After 2 or 3 hours of laborous pushing, they had to take her by section because of her positioning and the unlikely benefit of Rachel continuing to labor. She weighed 6 lbs and 13 oz. I'm sure she's beautiful. I could tell, even through Rachel's short text message, that she was so releaved and calmed to finally have her in front of her, where she could see her, hold her, kiss her, smell her, watch her breathe easily and move her arms and legs. I can only imagine that feeling, but it will be ours. We will hear our crying baby as he makes his entrance, healthy and whole, into this world and our arms.
Please continue to pray for Luke's health, and also mine. Many moms have uncomplicated "normal" pregnancies, and how truely a miracle that is. No matter, I know Who is the author of life, and Who holds my and my family's future.
Faithfully His,
Mika
" The eyes of faith when fixed on Christ.
Give hope for what’s ahead;
But focus on life’s obstacles,
And faith gives way to dread. —D. De Haan"
This was important for the day that I've had. The verse was also encouraging,
2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ..... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
See, I went in for my glucose testing today, the repeat, since I failed the one last Wednesday that was just for an hour. I didn't realize it would be an all day thing. I got there at 7:20am and didn't leave until 3:00. I'm pooped. My first blood check, after having fasted since midnight last night was 74, which is normal, anything below 100. Then I drank this very sugary-type "kool-aid" and my blood check an hour later was 166, normal is 165 and lower. They checked it again another hour later and it was 154, normal on that one is 145 and lower. I couldn't believe it! What the heck! I was very perplexed and frustrated. I left to get some lunch before seeing the doctor (Joey's was L&D today), Dr. Kimberlin. I almost wasn't hungry, even though I hadn't had anything to eat or drink for over 12 hours. I ate, but was not really able to enjoy it. I kept thinking, "this cant be. Diabetes is for overweight, non-exercising, folks, or someone that has a family history of the disease" none of that applies to me. I called my CPT2 doctor, Dr. Claussen, a neurologist at UAB Kirklin Clinic and told her nurse the results. She requested the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) clinic fax the info over and she'd get the results to her when she came in tomorrow. I asked the nurse, "how can I have a 75% complex carbohydrate diet for my metabolic myopathy, if I'm suppose to restrict glucose?" She didn't have any answers, but assured me that she'd get the info to Dr. Claussen, (remember this myopathy is very, very rare, and even in the patients that do end up receiving a confirmed diagnosis are mostly male; it's 80% male! so how many woman who are pregnant that have CPT2 end up having symptoms of gestational diabetes? uh, probably like none) . As I went back to the clinic to see Dr. Kimberlin after lunch I just kept saying, "Lord, I don't know what's up, but you are in control. I know You are faithful and wont let anything happen to me or Luke". Dr Kimberlin was not alarmed at the results, as they were barely abnormal. She said she wanted my blood glucose levels checked 4 times a day for now, to get a pattern. She didn't want me restricting anything at this point, since that could lead to a crisis of large proportion if I limited carbs, especially pregnant-worse case senerio it could cause kidney failure. I told her that maybe my glucose levels are suppose to be higher, after all, most chemistry in my body is not typical of the average patient, and again, there is probably NO data on this situation, female patient with CPT2 pregnant. She wasn't sure, but said it was possible. I was given a meter and the lancets and test strips to monitor the glucose levels, and also prescribed strips to check the ketones in my urin each morning, which can show unused glucose-which I can use these anyway, since it can make sure I'm getting enough caloric value. Honestly this is gonna suck. Sorry if that offends you, but it's how I feel. Like I said before, I'd rather get my weekly shot than have to prick my finger. I'm learning less painful ways of testing, but it's still not fun. I am anxious to see how the week goes and how all this pans out. I told my BCBSAL nurse, and the nutritionist at the MFM clinic, that I probably should be diligent, which I have not been, about eating smaller meals, more often, throughout the day. If I keep a consistent level of glucose in my body from food and drink, it may make a significant difference, since I've been eating larger meals and few snacks. So, that is how my day ended....at least I ended up educating the dietician on something she'd never heard of, (she had to go google it while we watched a video about gestational diabetes!).
So reading that verse was like drinking ice cold water, refreshing. I needed to be reminded, all of this, everything here on earth, is a "light and momentary trouble", and I may be pressed on each side, struck down, persecuted, BUT because of our Lord Jesus, we are all victorers. He is renewing my body and my spirit day by day. He is keeping Luke safe and healthy. I must "fix my eyes on the unseen", which to me is the promise that God will bring Luke safely and healthy into our lives. As Christians, it's often easy for us to comfort others with encouraging words of "everything will be fine" but our Precious Heavenly Father often times needs to tell us "Himself".
Also, my dear sweet friend Rachel, who lost her precious son Isaac on the day of his birth, had her sweet baby girl, Annabella Karen Stover on Friday at UAB. After 2 or 3 hours of laborous pushing, they had to take her by section because of her positioning and the unlikely benefit of Rachel continuing to labor. She weighed 6 lbs and 13 oz. I'm sure she's beautiful. I could tell, even through Rachel's short text message, that she was so releaved and calmed to finally have her in front of her, where she could see her, hold her, kiss her, smell her, watch her breathe easily and move her arms and legs. I can only imagine that feeling, but it will be ours. We will hear our crying baby as he makes his entrance, healthy and whole, into this world and our arms.
Please continue to pray for Luke's health, and also mine. Many moms have uncomplicated "normal" pregnancies, and how truely a miracle that is. No matter, I know Who is the author of life, and Who holds my and my family's future.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
If it's Wierd It'll Happen to me
First let me say that my post's title is not a "woe is me" title. It's in fun at the situation. Today, I had my glucose test for gestational diabetes that I mentioned last week. So, first Joey and I went back over some of the medical records in my chart to verify exactly what type of c-section I had with Tobi. From all the documentation we could find, it was not the classical (more dangerous) section we had assumed for quite some time. I feel more at peace about that, but still do not want to risk my health or Luke's in going past 36 weeks, which could be life-threatening if I had the classical section. He couldn't find the dopplar to check the heart rate, so he did another quick ultrasound. Luke's heart rate was great, and from the area he could see without going as low as necessary for optimal view, the cervix looked great- plenty of length and no funnelling, which would be signs of premature labor. I've gained about 15-18 lbs total, I had gained 22 with Tobi by 26 weeks, and I will be 26 weeks tomorrow. Honestly, I dont care if I gain 100lbs as long as Luke arrives healthy and fullterm. I drank the "koolaid", waited an hour, and then got my finger pricked (I'd rather have a shot-like my weekly progesterone shots- or IV than a finger prick cause it always throbs later!). I went to schedule my appointment for next week, and the nurse walked over and asked me if my glucose was elevated when I was pregnant with Tobi. I wasn't sure, but I didn't think so. She said that my glucose level was 202!!! Now, for a normal patient they put you on a "gestational diabetic" diet at 135! I was shocked. I knew when she told Joey, he would be as well. I heard him come out of a patent's room, and heard him say, "I don't believe that at all!" He looked down the hall at me and said he didn't think that was right. I told them I had had a coke (max of 8 oz) from the time I left work at 11:30 until I got my finger pricked at 2pm. They weren't sure if that could have caused it, but nevertheless, I will have the fasting glucose tolerance test next Tuesday at 8am. I am NOT worried, but I ask you to pray in agreement with me that this will be proven false, and is just Satan's way of trying to scare me. Like I said last week, my diet, having CPT2, must be low fat and high carb (75%) due to my bodies difficulty of metabolizing fats and proteins stored as energy. So, that's how my appointment went.
Now, I had a very interesting conversation today. I have a friend (to remain anonomoys) that has been having a difficult time in his\her family life, and God has really been using this difficult situation to strengthen his\her faith and reveal Himself to him\her as never seen before. Not that this is the situation, but I was reminded how much we will endure in life, sometimes of our own choosing, because we wont call out to Him in total surrender of our lives. He's right there with us, wanting to intervene in our lives, at times of His choosing, and we're just determined to do it on our own. Today I read about Zacchaeus in Luke 19: 1-10. Zacchaeus was a labeled kind of worst-of-the-worst sinners- a tax collector. Imagine today, an important, wealthy, intelligent man, climbing a tree to get a glimpse of Jesus, who he had heard of. He obviously was desperate. He didnt care who saw him, who whispered about him probably being crazy. He had to at least see Jesus. Jesus was so touched by his bold actions and knew the change in Zacchaeus heart, "Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." I dont think it was coincidence Jesus was passing through when Zacchaeus reached out to Him. I think Jesus allowed this situation for many reasons, one being, if you're desperate enough for Me to do anything to get to Me, I will rescue you from yourself, and the life you have lived. Remember, to be "lost" you had to have once belonged to the owner.
My dear sweet, "wonder woman" friend, Dana (whose blog I follow), brought us homemade Italian with all the fixings. Now let me tell you, she has 3 girls and 6 month old twin boys, all under 8 years old, she runs marathons and made time to make us supper! It makes me tired just thinking about it. Her family is very special to me. Dana and I have known each other since kindergarten and cheered together. She told me how they pray for us every night, knowing that her twins were prayed all the way into her arms. It means so much to have friends and family let you know they are standing in agreement with you over something in your life.
On a slightly different subject, today I read a verse that went along with the verses I mentioned last post, Proverbs 1:7-9 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." I wish I knew more about the culture of the time and how to research it to find out the dressings it describes and what that represents. I do pray the Lord will give me the qualities necessary to raise my children to fear Him (not like a scared fear, but respect and honor fear, a fear of love, like you would fear causing someone you love pain) and to repsect, honor, and listen to our guidance as their parents.
My boss is having her twin girls tonight. I pray she will have comfort, and an easy delivery with them.
Faithfully His,
Mika
Now, I had a very interesting conversation today. I have a friend (to remain anonomoys) that has been having a difficult time in his\her family life, and God has really been using this difficult situation to strengthen his\her faith and reveal Himself to him\her as never seen before. Not that this is the situation, but I was reminded how much we will endure in life, sometimes of our own choosing, because we wont call out to Him in total surrender of our lives. He's right there with us, wanting to intervene in our lives, at times of His choosing, and we're just determined to do it on our own. Today I read about Zacchaeus in Luke 19: 1-10. Zacchaeus was a labeled kind of worst-of-the-worst sinners- a tax collector. Imagine today, an important, wealthy, intelligent man, climbing a tree to get a glimpse of Jesus, who he had heard of. He obviously was desperate. He didnt care who saw him, who whispered about him probably being crazy. He had to at least see Jesus. Jesus was so touched by his bold actions and knew the change in Zacchaeus heart, "Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." I dont think it was coincidence Jesus was passing through when Zacchaeus reached out to Him. I think Jesus allowed this situation for many reasons, one being, if you're desperate enough for Me to do anything to get to Me, I will rescue you from yourself, and the life you have lived. Remember, to be "lost" you had to have once belonged to the owner.
My dear sweet, "wonder woman" friend, Dana (whose blog I follow), brought us homemade Italian with all the fixings. Now let me tell you, she has 3 girls and 6 month old twin boys, all under 8 years old, she runs marathons and made time to make us supper! It makes me tired just thinking about it. Her family is very special to me. Dana and I have known each other since kindergarten and cheered together. She told me how they pray for us every night, knowing that her twins were prayed all the way into her arms. It means so much to have friends and family let you know they are standing in agreement with you over something in your life.
On a slightly different subject, today I read a verse that went along with the verses I mentioned last post, Proverbs 1:7-9 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." I wish I knew more about the culture of the time and how to research it to find out the dressings it describes and what that represents. I do pray the Lord will give me the qualities necessary to raise my children to fear Him (not like a scared fear, but respect and honor fear, a fear of love, like you would fear causing someone you love pain) and to repsect, honor, and listen to our guidance as their parents.
My boss is having her twin girls tonight. I pray she will have comfort, and an easy delivery with them.
Faithfully His,
Mika
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