Thursday, August 13, 2009

I feel somewhat behind this week, so I'll start with the update. I am 32 weeks today, and everything continues to go un-eventful, Praise God. I feel I am in the nesting phase. I'm a bit panicky about not having everything done by the time Luke gets here, but I know it will all work out. I've been very excited about my upcoming showers. Yesterday, I got out the invitations I ordered online for the friends and family shower. They turned out great. I had Matt paint Luke's room. Now men, sometimes, we women do know a thing or 2 and it's wise to listen, especially if we've done it before ourselves. I wont get into the details, but my husband got paint on the ceiling and told me he'd touch up the ceiling.....uh, no cause you cant touch up white. There is no "true white", only many different shades of it. So, the ceiling will be painted this weekend, and if I get my way-which I will- one of the walls will be painted as an accent wall. I want to paint something myself on it, but I feel like I may not have time. We'll just have to see.

I went to my OB apt on Tuesday, and was disappointed that it took as long as it did, AND I didn't get to see Joey, it was some resident. I guess he got called away. Anyway, everything was run of the mill, BP normal, urine normal, Luke's heart beat normal, measurement and weight normal. So, the plan is to take the cerclage out at 36 weeks, the just let him come when he may-hopefully at 39 weeks, the first week of October. I'm rather anxious to know how much he weighs, since I know he's at least 4 lbs. I hope I'll have at least 1 more u\s, as we haven't gotten a CD of him like we did for Tobi and Layah. So that's the update on my wonderful big-belly pregnancy, growing bigger every day.

Today Tobi started first grade, and it was very bitter sweet. This morning as I got ready, Tobi was still snoozing in our bed, and he opened his eyes and said, "Mama, I want to go to school", so I told him to get up to get dressed. As we brushed his teeth he said, "Mama, I'm excited." I was glad to hear that. Then, as we waited on the bus, him sitting in the van with his new Transformer backpack on, he said, "Mama, I'm a bit nervous"! I was so tickled. I explain to him, that his excitement was probably making him have those butterflies in his tummy. He waived to me as he sat in the front of the bus, and off they went. It was a memorable morning. When I went to meet his teacher Tuesday, I cried a lot of the way home because just like last year, I'm reminded that Layah will never get to experience that "first day of school" feeling. My mind always says, "why couldn't they have figured out the problem before she came and had to die?" but I know, that' ll never be answered here on earth. A verse I read today says "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past" Isaiah 43:18. I just have to visualize that Layah will watch her brothers (and maybe sister(s) one going to school. I know that she is most likely occupied in heaven with all it's amazement, but this thought comforts me. The devotional today was titled He is Enough and it talked about how overwhelming life can be with disappointment, debt, illness, etc that lead to all kinds of feelings of depression, hopelessness, doubt, despair, anger, etc. We've all experience many of these, even as believers. The verse it spoke of was Matthew 14: 22-23. In verse 29-32 it says, "...then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith, ' he said, 'why did you doubt?' And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down." I noticed this is very similar to the verse I have tattooed above Layah's feet print, which at the time foretold a lot about faith to me.

The disciples were in a similar situation, in a boat, with Jesus, and a storm came, and they freaked. This was the second time, yet Peter-after actually walking on the water to Jesus- began to lose his faith because of the wind, the wind! I felt like the Lord was speaking to me that even after He shows us amazing supernatural things, in our lives or others, (like Peter walking on the water), we still get distracted in our circumstances and by the "wind". We have to remember that He has never left us and we must trust Him. He will keep us safe, and get us through out circumstances.

My heart has been heavy for my dear friends Johanna and Amber, as they struggle emotionally in their fight with their bodies in their hopes for becoming mothers. I know they are both willing to do anything to make this happen, but you see, that's just it, no matter what, it's not up to us, nor our timing. I know the Lord will bless these 2 women with children-when His timing is perfect, and that's very hard to swallow. I remember having that chemical pregnancy in December 2008 and thinking, this is not fair, especially after EVERYTHING I've been through. I was looking at the "wind", which is what we do as humans, since the disciples even did it and Jesus was with them. I was distracted from our miracle in Tobi's survival and healing, and in Matt's recovery, in my recovery of Anorexia\Bulimia, in my mom's life being spared from breast cancer, etc. It's hard to see those times when you're out there " on the water", trying to focus on Him, and then the wind starts. It's hard to see and hard to hear His voice, yet His hands are stretched out, ready for ours to take His, in faith. I ask that you continue to pray for both of these women. Satan continues to attack their minds and hearts with fear, doubt, worry, discouragement, anger, and hopelessness. We know that our God is the Author of life, and since He never changes, the same power He used to give Sarah and Abraham a son, in their extremely old age, is the same power He can and will use in our lives.

Lord, wrap your arms around all the mothers that are struggling with infertility, grief, a sick or dying child, or even those moms that are just overwhelmed. Please lay your Holy Spirit on each of them, giving them the Peace that passes all understanding. Give them your hope, your joy, and your healing. We praise you for seeing the plans laid out for us as mothers so long ago. Help us to keep our eyes and hearts turned towards you. Thank you for loving us enough to sacrifice your own Son, and understanding our pain,our heartache, and our longing. Amen

Faithfully His,


No comments:

Post a Comment