Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Day by Day

So this week I am 21 weeks and at 21.3 weeks is when I began to have problems with Layah. I have been struggling with fear and worry. I know that the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear but of courage, as His word says, but my flesh-and hormones- are speaking quite the opposite. I read today a verse that I know is for Luke, after all it is from the book of Luke, Luke 18:16 " Now Jesus called the children to Him and said 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.' " So I am going to speak in faith that this means that Luke's arrival will not be hindered by prematurity or problems. I reached out to Rick Burgess after Layah passed away since I felt a connection with his family. We found out we were expecting Layah the day that Bronner went to be with the Lord, and I remember at that time, saying to myself, "I couldn't imagine what that kind of pain and sorrow is like, to lose a child"., and yet 5 months later, we were experiencing that pain. Knowing his faith, I wanted to hear what verses he and his family stood on for hope through their grief, and he was so kind in responding very quickly. Since then, I have kept him up to date on my pregnancy with Luke. This morning he was talking about sweet Bronner, and that it was his birthday. He would have been 4 years old. Rick's love for his son, and life-changing testimony brought out all the emotions I'd been trying to hold in until next week, the week of Layah's birth\death day. I don't know why I felt like I couldn't start remembering her now. So I cried, and wept and thought about Rick's family's loss of Bronnor and our loss of Layah, and listened to how Rick talked about what glory to God that Bronnor brought in his 2 years, and as I've said before, many times, it's too short of a life for us- 2 years, 6 days, 80 years-it's all short in comparison to eternity. I emailed Rick when I got to work to just share with him my thoughts and prayers for his family and ask for his prayers for us, with this upcoming week. I thought about many things Rick said of Bronnor and agreed with him completely that God's purpose for both Bronnor and Layah was made complete, and as Rick mentioned what I've said before, we'd never want Bronnor and Layah to come back to us, no matter how much we miss them. Rick reminded the audience of the verse in John 16:33 " I have told you these things so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." He never guaranteed us a life with no problems, once we became a follower of Christ, quite the opposite. But we have everlasting hope. The end has already been written. We, the adopted children of God, win and have every lasting life-we will see our precious children again! As I've said before many times, I feel to blame for Layah's life being cut so short, that I couldn't keep her safe in my womb. Today as I feel that, He reminded me in His word, that it is no one's fault. As Rick says, and I agree, we live in a fallen creation, and life and death are hand in hand. The verse I read was John 9:1-11, "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he be born blind?' 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned' said Jesus, 'but this happened SO THAT THE WORK OF GOD MIGHT BE DISPLAYED IN HIS LIFE.' Then Jesus healed the man's sight. He didn't heal him as a "magic show", but to show He is\was God, and I believe to show that only he can change a life of darkness and bring light and true living. This was the man who I believe was a probably uneducated & simple minded man, but I believe was able to condensed witnessing to just a simple phrase, "The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Slloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see." I've referred to him before, he's just saying to all the "religious leaders" something like, "I don't know how He did it, all I know is I was blind, now I see. It's as simple as that." So today, as I trust the Lord that He will bring Luke to us, healthy, whole and full of life and not before 36 weeks, I ask you to pray for my assurance of this, and my peace as the week that changed our family forever approaches.

Faithfully His,



  1. I will most definitely be praying (more than usual) for you next week. I vividly remember the day Ginger called me. I know the past year has been so long, but it seems like a short time ago for me that I received that call. I also found out of my pregnancy with the boys the day Layah passed. I remember crying that night in my condo at the beach, crying for all the emotions I had in my heart for your unbelievable greif and my shear terror of being pregnant again. Now a year later, it is amazing to me what God has done with your life and mine. As I was running this morning and praying for you and Luke, I thanked God so much for your precious Luke and thanked him for blessing you with this pregnancy and just point blanked asked him (as I have many times before) to sustain this pregnancy and deliver Luke full term and healthy. What a joyous day to look forward to. I know your heart must ache at the thoughts of not having sweet Layah but God has such a purpose for her precoius life, your unbeleivable pain and Luke's miraculous being...can't wait to see it all unfold. One bit of peace I found through my ordeal was simply letting it all go because I did trust HE had a plan for it all. I didn't understand why my pain had to be, but I understood that I was "chosen" for it. and I accepted it with honor..for HIM. I know you feel the same for all you went through. I am praying for LUKE and of course you too.

  2. I am praying for you and your family daily. Being pregnant too, I now know what it feels like to be connected to another in a way that know one can prepare you for. Your faith is amazing and it will sustain you through this difficult week. Thinking about you often. Amy