BLUE or PINK....drum roll.....

Today was the big day. So, are you ready....we will be seeing a lot of BLUE!!!! Yes, we are having a boy! I saw "it" before the tech even announced it! I fell in love as soon as I saw him today. He has been very active over the past week, more so than his big brother or sister. He was perfect. The tech measured and checked everything and it was all perfectly there. He is in the top 62% of his weight. He weighs a whopping 9 oz! Obviously this can change from time to time, but that's where we are today. Yes, we were actually surprised, but we know that God's plan is better than ours. That just must mean, we're not through having children yet! I'd always wanted 2 boys and a girl, with the boys being older brothers, and it looks as though maybe that will someday be the case, but for now, we are thrilled to now have an "identity" of this little life in me. We like the name Luke for many reasons, Luke from the Bible, Luke is a Shelfer family name of one of the first 10 recorded Shelfer' s, just as the name "Tobias" is, and of course Luke is in Star Wars ! So, Matt's hooked, but I am not ready to commit yet, plus we've got to think of a middle name. So now at least the sex is "official" (however, just today I heard of 2 different people that were told they were having "x" and then had "y"!!), but I'm pretty sure, considering what was VERY obvious, as to the sex of the little guy. Tobi is very excited to have a little brother, of course, it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other with him. I was thinking, as I drove home, of all the testosterone that will be in the house!!! Gracey (our chocolate lab) doesn't quite balance things out! OK so now start praying for specifics. Pray this little boy is safe in my womb. Pray that I wont have any premature labor, or any problems with the cerclage, infection, or any complications that can lead to premature births. Pray that this little guy will get to have a September birthday, just like his big brother. I will see Dr. Ramsey every 2 weeks, until he leaves- the second week of June, and may even go weekly around 22 weeks, but that's not been determined yet. Just stand in faith with us that this little warrior is gonna lead many to our awesome Creator through his long, long life!

I will say this about Mother's Day, although I cherish the day that I first heard Tobi say, "mama", it was very difficult to "celebrate" this time. I felt in some ways, that guilt, that I couldn't "mother" Layah as I was suppose to. I failed her. I know that's just Satan, but I felt it for a moment. I was kinda glad-however weird that may seem- that it rained a bit. It was kinda of a sign to me that our Heavenly Father, recognized the loss I feel and all the other mothers-to-be that lost her child/children, that I've met over this past year, and those that I have yet to meet. So many our forgotten, particularly on this important day. We see the cards at the store, Grandmother, Sister-in-law, Mother in law, new mother, mother-to-be, but what about the ones that weren't able to share a long life with her child\children? What about the mom-to-be-that-were-not-to-be? I was torn. I wanted to celebrate having the privilege of being Tobi's mom, but also I grieved the mother I would not be able to be for Layah. I know many who read this will know that pain in my heart and feel it too. If you read this and you are a mother, understand something very, very important, being a mother is something you should never take for granted. The ability to birth a child is a miracle, (and those mothers who adopt and accept those children into their lives have a special place in the Lord's heart, as He has adopted us through Christ) but I'm particularly addressing mom's that have the ability to give birth. Many unfortunately, abuse that gift, and do not appreciate it, and see how precious it is, but when you've walked this path I have taken, and many other moms walk beside me, behind me, and ahead of me that are not so fortunate, you realize that there are no "routine pregnancies". There are so many things that can go wrong, and so many things that must work together as a symphony to bring life into this world, each life created is a miraculous event. So make sure that you kiss your children even more so after you read this, just remembering how blessed or some say "lucky" to have healthy, "normal" children, as many would give everything they have and then some, to be in your shoes.

Faithfully His,

Mika