Today as I nursed Luke this morning, I just cried and praised God for His greatness and blessings. I told Luke just how much we all prayed for him and wanted him SO much. It's still surreal to look at his angelic face and just really see the face of God all over him. Last week or so, as we were driving somewhere, I was condensing my brag book of photos from 2 (one for Tobi and one for Layah) I was taking the pictures out of Layah's book and trying to decide which ones to keep in my brag book. As I looked at her face, I could see a strong resemblance of Luke. You may not believe that since here eyes were even still fused shut, but as her mother and Luke's mother, I can see it. I wept for the future that she would not have, but at the same time, the future that she and our Heavenly Father gave to Luke. I still ask why. Why did you not allow us to find out that my body had this problem until it was too late for Layah? And I know that one day, He will tell me, but for now, I have to just remember, daily, that Luke's future and destiny was already marked out before Layah even was to be conceived, so whatever the reason, His plan-as always-is much better than mine. Who knows, maybe Luke will be the President of the United States, serving as a God-fearing man, who is unashamed of his faith, and bold in his declaration of it, yet completely accepted by our country. I know God does have great things planned for him and Tobi, after all, Jeremiah 29:11 was put in our family's heart a long time ago. The verse I read today was this:
Romans 8:26-29 (New International Version)
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
This verse has many important aspects to me. I feel that on many days, "Lord, I hate to pray the same things over and over every day", but maybe this is what I am to do, stay on those prayers that the Spirit lays on my heart that maybe others are too "weak" to pray. I know at times, going through Layah's death and my pregnancy with Luke, I felt too "weak" to pray, and I know for sure, many, many others prayed on my behalf. He "searched my heart" and had other "saints" who I call my dear friends in Christ, to send up those prayers on my behalf, how awesome is that! Even though we are told to pray, "...ask and it shall be given unto you..." on those times when we just cant, He's made a way for it to still be done!
I think the second part of the verse is equally as important. Many know this verse, but I think a lot of times, we miss the second part..."who love him who are called according to His purpose..." When we have that question, why do bad things happen to good people, this is why. In a weird sorta way in my mind, this is the balance. If we have a heart after God, if we love Him, ALL things, even those things the enemy attacks our body and spirit with, will fall into the plan that the Lord already has planned out for us when we became a follower of Christ. (I don't necessary believe that God has the exact blueprint design created until we make that step. He can make adjustments to fulfill the plan once we give up self and choose to follow Him, but I don't think that He actually has the "details" until we make that decision.After all, He gave us free will.) The verse says "His purpose", so we are not always gonna know, or understand, what that purpose is. Our "good" maybe a different interpretation than what His good is. The point is, we just have to have faith that His plan, no matter what the trials, is better than ours. That's why we gave Layah "Faith" as her middle name. We did not know if she would live or die, but regardless, we had to have faith that in the end, He would be glorified and her life would be complete, and it was.
The last part of the verse spoke tome about Tobi... "29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." I think that this speaks to me so clearly that the plan for Tobi to be allowed to be born so early and survive, having his first and middle name (Tobias Gabriel) mean, "Yahweh is good", and "the messenger" was prophetic. He was declaring this and he was to be our first born son. We were promised life and it was fulfilled!
Well, I have a little guy who's making his "Ton-ton" sound telling me he's ready to eat! I'll post some more pics soon!
Faithfully His,
Mika
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