Friday, July 2, 2010


So, I hate to admit it, but I have become addicted to the Twilight Saga. I started listening to the books on CD about a month ago and I have not been able to get enough. Matt and I are going to see the newest book released, Eclipse, at the theater tonight. I haven't picked out a movie that I wanted to watch since i was probably single! I feel like a preteen all over again, the way I crushed on the New Kids on the Block, or Luke Perry from 90210. This story is just so romantic, mysterious, action packed, not to mention complete with HOT guys! Anyway, I have felt very anxious to get back to updating my blog so here goes:

I thought the title fitting since that's kinda what happened to my heart the Friday afternoon I started on this blog entry. My dear friend, Amber, who has walked the path of a grieving mother twice before me, now grieves a third time, her precious baby girl, Shiloh Hope, who came at 22 weeks, on the 2nd-she same numeric day of our precious Layah. We all were so sure this baby was going to make it. This pregnancy would be full term, after all, she wasn't even supposed to have been able to get pregnant again. That was a miracle in and of itself. My heart, happy, excited, energized about my date with my "wolf", was darkened by this news that I received through her friend Alison, on facebook. I was in shock. I was angry, devastated, and it wasn't even my child, but why? God, why? How could you not intervene? How could you not keep that baby safely in her protective womb at least for 4-6 more weeks? This fallen world, Earth, is so full of unfairities. The scale of good things for good people and bad things for bad people is so mixed up. My heart continues to ache for her, just trying to fathom the emptiness her arms feel, having this 3rd baby taken from her, along with all her hopes, dreams, and plans for her. I just don't understand.

Then, Saturday, I found out that the associate director at Bright Horizon, Kembra Gordon, drowned at Orange Beach on Friday the 2nd, trying to save a friend's 2 year old. Tradgedy. It's something you can never prepare for, never anticipate how you're going to respond or react to it. All of the teachers' faces at BH were blank, not sure what to say, or if they should even say anything, afraid they might start crying in front of the children. It was obvious how much Kembra meant to all of them. Even Luke's precious teacher, Mrs. Durlyn, who is a sweet, Christian, kindred spirit, had a very unfamiliar look about her. I've never seen her without a smile, always singing and talking to our babies, yet she was quiet. Kembra leaves behind 3 daugthers, the youngest about to be a senior at Spain Park. I heard that Kembra had planned to move to the beach after her youngest graduated. Plans made, that she would have no incling would be so far removed from her future. There's another song that I heard (I hate to say I haven't been listening to much music lately since I've been listening to the books of Twilight, no on Breaking Dawn), but it's called "No Matter What", by Kerri Roberts and it cut so close to home as I heard the words:

I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through Your hands,
and even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why,
No matter what,
I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help,
I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you will be my strength,
No matter what,
I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of Your love is enough on its own,
no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not ,
I’ll trust You, no matter what, no matter what.
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what
I pray that tragedy is held at bay for many, many years in my family's life. I pray that one day, when faced with a difficult situation, I can speak, sing, those words to Him -no matter what.
Faithfully His,

1 comment:

  1. my heart is just crying for Amber. my girls still remember her and pray for her every morning. the song you mentioned...claire and i just put it on our ipods last week. how cool that you just posted it. I was thinking the same exact thing as you wrote. the words cut home to me as well. i can't even imagine amber's sad.