Love Him with Your WHOLE heart

So as usual, God really speaks to me a lot through music, praise and worship. I've gotten to really feel His presence-even in the bathroom as I brush my teeth- when a particular song comes on. It's based off of the verse Luke 10:27 He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" It is by Forever Jones, and is called "He Wants it All" Here are the lyrics:

There's a voice that cries out in the silence,

searching for heart that will love him,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all

There's a God that walks over the earth,

he searching for heart that is desperate,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all and he says,

love me, love me with your whole heart

he wants it all today

serve me, serve me with you life now

he wants it all today

bow down, let go of your idols

he wants it all today (x4)

There's a God that walks over the earth,

he searching for heart that is desperate,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all and he says,

love me, love me with your whole heart

he wants it all today

serve me, serve me with you life now

he wants it all today

bow down, let go of your idols

he wants it all today (x4)

Oh oh oh, all of you,

more of you wants it all today (whole thing x3)
he wants it all today,

he wants is all today so give it all

There's a voice that cries out in the silence,

searching for heart that will love him,

longing for child that will give him their all, give it all, he wants it all

Besides it being a great melodic song, the words are just so powerful to me. The part about Him searching....He looks for us, even when many are not looking for Him. John 12:32 " But when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself." and 2 Peter 3:9 " The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." These verses just stand out to me. I have many close family and friends that I pray and pray for and salvation seems as tho it will never come to past, but reading this verse, I know that His "slowness" is not my "slowness". He is on His own time, not mine. I know and trust that He will ultimately have their hearts.

Back to the song, He wants it all, wow. When you think about that, you have to remember that doesn't just apply to "stuff". That also applies to our children, our health, our time, our dreams, our desires, everything. Many times with our actions, and not necessarily our words, we say "I'll give Him this area of my life, but not this". But until you give Him your ALL, you're not really gonna know Him, in the deepest and most intimate way.

Lately I've had some "spells", and I'm not sure where it's coming from, but last Thursday morning, I was getting on the freeway, and all of a sudden, I felt as if I was about to black out. I began to get tunnel vision, very flushed, and thought to myself, "I've got to pull over. I cant pass out driving with Luke with me". I cranked on the AC full blast, and the feeling seemed to pass. My vision was still a bit blurry, but I didn't feel like I was going to black out. I got Luke to BH and sat in the floor with him for a few minutes before going to work. As I got up slowly, I felt as though I was going to pass out. I know that happens sometimes, but this just felt different. I thought maybe I was having a hypoglycemic moment, so I ate some nuts that I had in the van. I got to work and got some breakfast, but still didn't feel right. My heart was racing, feeling like it was gonna beat out of my chest. I felt cold, nauseated, and just really dizzy and it was difficult to concentrate. I kept taking slow deep breaths, but I couldn't seemed to slow my heart rate down. I was shaky and just felt like I was having a heart attack! I went down to the nurses and they took my BP and heart rate. It was a little elevated, but probably cause I was freakin' out. My mom came and we went to UAB's ER-BIG mistake. The only reason I even went there was because if this that was going on was related to my CPT2, I needed to be where my neurologist could see me in the hospital. In triage, the took an EKG and sent me out to the waiting room. My brother came by since he was doing "a case" at UAB and said that they weren't that busy back in the ER. (He's a harvester with the AOC harvesting bone and tissue donors). I had some arm pain and weakness on my left side that was worrisome to me, and every time I'd stand up to go to the bathroom, I felt as if I was going to pass out. We were in the ER for 7 hours and there was no change in my status to be seen since the previous 4 hours. I was so upset, beginning to get a migraine since I'd not eaten anything but half a bag of chips since breakfast, and just tired. I told mom that we'd try St. Vincent's, but when I called, I was told that they couldn't give me any idea of the wait, and it could be six hours there as well. I told mom I wanted to go home. I just needed to get home. So, we got something to eat, and headed home. I took some midrin and 4 ibuprofen and that helped stopped the migraine from progressing. I was so glad to see my precious baby and funny guy.

After talking to Johanna by text about it, I realized, duh, her husband is a cardiologist. So, she told him about everything and he said he'd get me set up with one of his partners. The next day, I felt like I had had an extremely long, and really bad panic attack, having had one when I was 23 weeks pregnant with Luke, and then 2 days after he was born. But both of those only lasted about 10 minutes and then I was fine and I felt no arm pain, nor like I was about to pass out. This just seemed a bit different having lasted all day.

So, today I went for my cardiology apt with Dr. Juan Bernal. He was very nice, young and from Columbia. They did a pretty thorough history, and apparently he'd heard about CPT2 in his fellowship. They did an EKG and he listenned to everything. I told him that it may be panic attacks, but since they lasted so long it scared me. He said he wanted to do some investigating, and that as far as it being related to the CPT2, all he was aware of was pediatric patients diagnosed with CPT2 having cardiac problems contributed to it. He'd not read anything of the adult form having cardiac problems, afterall, it's a neuromuscular problem, not vascular. So, he sent me home with a 72 hour monitor, and said that I'll probably have an ultrasound. I'm gonna feel terrible if all this testing is done and it's just panic attacks, BUT at least I'll know everything is fine, which is what we want anyway. So, although it was a busy day at the doctor, I enjoyed every minute that I was able to spend it with Luke.

Here are some pictures from today before we left.

Faithfully His,

Mika

031810

Surprise! It's an Update!

after going to Derok & Sophi's baptismal 030710

look at those THIGHS!!!

022810 Luke & Grungie

02/2010

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022710

So today I actually had some spare time to get to post!!! I cant do it at work anymore, dad gum it! It's not networking but nevertheless, I cant sign in to the blog. Luke is now 5 months old and just such a joy. I have told my mom and several friends that I was so wrapped up in praying for Luke's physical well-being that I forgot about praying for his temperament. My sweet mom didn't. She knew that with everything we'd been through with Tobi's first 4 1\2 years and then losing Layah, we needed a baby that was very easy, and boy did we get him. Let's see what I need to catch up on. Luke's skin has been a bit of a problem. My brother's children have pretty severe eczema and asthma and it appears Luke got the skin problems. I had ready before he was born that using breast milk on minor abrasions, eczema, and even pink eye can improve the problem. Mommy's good antibodies are multi-purpose! when I took Luke in for his 4 mo check up on the 16th of February, he was 18.4 lbs and in the 90-95% in weight and height, 26 1\2 inches long. I'm just trying to enjoy every second of him little. He is just so happy and content all the time. He has just now, like over the past few days, begun to fuss a bit, and we are suspect that he might be getting ready to have some teethies!

Thursday, I had to leave work a bit early to finally go to the doctor myself since I'd been sick for about a week. I had sinusitis bronchitis and on the way to walking pneumonia. I got 2 shots and that made me feel better right away. I had to since Renee and I were going to make our annual trip to Cottontail, at the BJCC. We had a great time on Friday, and that seemed to be the ideal day to go since there wasn't the same Saturday crowd and many moms left to go pick their kids up from school. We had Luke with us so we got his picture made with the Easter bunny. I will try and post that out here soon. The guy that took his picture commented on the fact that he didn't have to work at all to get Luke to smile. Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for such a happy baby. He's got the static look that Tobi, (and apparently me too) had, where his hair sticks straight up all over. It's too cute. He's wearing between a 9-12 month. He's just such a big boy! I was hoping to get to use a lot of Tobi's clothes, but it doesn't look as though that's gonna be the case.

Now, a couple of things. My dear friend Johanna had some great news, left tube is completely open and her uterus looks good so she was cleared to try and get pregnant with her next cycle. There had also been some medical insurance problems where her husband's practice had gone with Viva and they had no fertility benefits with that carrier, but fortunately, they were able to switch over to MASA with BCBS so they have a much better plan now, with fertility benefits. She and Scott are gone to Vail, CO right now for a conference of his. I am praying she'll be refreshed, renewed, revived, and well rested and come back with just a clear head and ready to see what the Lord has planned for her and Scott's future. Last week, Dana had posted a prayer request on her FB page about a girl named Kim Kelly who she met through a mom of multiples group. Kim was 23 weeks pregnant with quads. She was on bed rest at the hospital and ended up having one of the babies, a little girl, they named Hope (which I thought was ironic since we had Layah Faith and plan to use Hope as a middle name someday). She passed away. Then, that night I watched a TV program that showed a baby that appeared to be a 24 weeker. Although I know the baby wasn't real, it just appeared so real that it flooded my heart with many emotions from our time with Layah and I just became overwhelmed with a deep longing for her. As I prayed for Kim, and my other dear friends who are so desperate to be a mom, I just remembered the message that pastor Chris gave us last Sunday about being content as a believer that there will times that we have to accept the fact that we will times when we don't understand, and even if He could tell us, our brains couldn't fathom His ways. After all, He tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Then the next day, I saw where Dana had let everyone know that the rest of the quads had been born and passed. My heart just sunk. I felt sick. I know how horrible that time was, but I cannot imagine the magnitude of the pain of the loss times 4. Today they were having the funeral. How do you bury 4 babies, and at one time. As I look back at the notes from last weeks message, I read the verses that were part of the conversation between Job and God. Job well represents all of us who have experienced tragedy. He said, "What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense, when God blocks all the roads to meaning?" Job 3:23 That's what we say too. We ask that question of why do bad things happen to good people and why would God allow this or what about all those women who abort, abuse, and neglect sweet babies...it doesn't make sense. But Job realized that he was a mere mortal. He was just a man. He said to God, "You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I do not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Job 42:3. He had experienced the ultimate loss-everything, yet he realized that the God of the universe was trustworthy and His timing is always perfect. He will right the world in the end. Another verse on this message was James 5:11 "You've heard of course, of Job's staying power and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares , cares right down to the last detail". He is there. He is here. He never leaves us. Even during those dark times when we feel He has abandoned us, He is there as He promised. If Jesus can cry out to His Father, feeling abandoned and left alone, He can relate to us when we do the same. Pastor Chris gave a personal story I can relate to of his child needing a medical procedure that would involve some pain yet it was best for his child in the end. During the medical staff's preparation, his little toddler looked over at his dad, anticipating his daddy coming to the rescue to save him from this frightful and painful situation. Yet he did not. He could not. Through the cries of his son saying, "Daddy?! Daddy?! Daddy?!" Pastor Chris said he wept and wept. He compared this event somewhat like what it must have been like for our Heavenly Father. To hear his perfect son's cries, yet not reach down and take that pain away. I'm sure that He feels the same when we cry out, and say, "Abba, Abba, Abba".

I would do it all again. I would go through the chaos and terror through Tobi's birth and first 4 1\2 years in and out of Children's Hospital. I would go through having Layah for only 6 short days-if that is what was called for to bring our precious Luke into this world. I hope it will not be as long of a break between this and my next post, but between Matt and Tobi, I'm not usually privy to the computer at home!

Faithfully His,

Mika