Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Approaching "THAT" week

So I am now 22 weeks. When I went for my check up last week, everything was stable with my cervix. I continue to be annoyed by this prurigo rash, and at nights it can be unbearable, but I will endure. As long as Arwyn is healthy, and full term, I will scratch. As this week nears the gestational week when Layah came, my nerves are a bit on edge. I imagine that might also not help the rash. I know that things went smoothly and uneventful with my pregnancy with Luke, and will do the same for Arwyn.

In the continued series at church, "Running with the Giants" he spoke on Joseph a couple of weeks ago and all the set backs that could have been cause for Joseph to say, "I give up. I'm done", but he didn't. He kept on. It took him 40 years to get to God's plan and promise for him, but he made it, with a grateful heart, he was not bitter or vengeful towards his past or his brothers. Pastor Chris gave an awesome verse that in hearing it, I thought, "wow, that's good". As I went back and read it several times, it spoke to me of our journey with Tobi, losing Layah, anticipating Luke, and now Arwyn. The verse is

Habakkuk 2:3 "These things I plan wont happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair for these things will surely come to pass. Just e patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"

This was another confirmation to me that the vision the Lord revealed to me in the weeks before Layah was born and that the Lord spoke to my spirit in the month following, July 2008 after Layah passed away, that this was not a vision of Layah but of another daughter to come. I was just overwhelmed at His hand in it all. Also, if you go back and look a few months posts back, the '23'....here it is again, in this verse.

Matt has come a long way in our almost 10 years of marriage, in his maturity and his faith and walk with the Lord. We've been through many trials, unrelated to our children, and the Lord continues to show Matt that his struggles, his battles, will be used to glorify His name one day. He will use Matt to encourage other in the same struggles and spiritual battles. Matt prayed out loud for the first time last week, and got choked up as he did it. It was amazing. To hear him say, "Make me more like Christ. Change me....." He seemed to feel child-like with his words, but I assured him afterwards that they were from his heart, and that was what matters. After all, Jesus seemed to appreciate the children and their faith in Him. Matt has begun to use his daily cards that have a verse on the front and back-geared towards men- to write them down and then write out his prayer before speaking it. I've been encouraged by this, but know the enemy will not let go easily. I have told Matt that if he gets comfortable and starts getting out of that routine, that is when he will fall back in to old routines and old habits. Matt knows what all is at stake in this battle, his health, our marriage, our children, everything, so I know he is determined to get through it, and I am determined to help encourage him through it. I am confident he will, seeing what he's overcome in the past.

Lord, please continue to keep Arwyn safe in my womb. Keep my womb safe for her and there to be no 'incompetence' or anything prematurely. I know you are the Giver of Life, and know that You will be glorified by Arwyn's life with us. I pray that you will use our testimony to encourage others as they walk through grief. Although it is a tough road, and one we as humans were never intended to experience, You are there, using it to refine us, purify us, mold us into the person that most resembles Christ, all the while showing us who You are: Comforter, Healer, Friend, Counselor, Abba, Savior, Shepherd, etc. Losing Layah was the most difficult trial of my life, yet I would go through it again, to have the precious son, Luke, and Arwyn to come, and to know You the way I know You. You revealed your faithfulness and you keep Your promises. Please give Matt a clean heart, and renewed spirit....restore to him the JOY of his salvation. Give him a sensitive spirit to hear your voice through prayer and your Word. Give him a passion and thirst to read your word and study it. Make it come alive to him, the weapon of a double-edged sword of truth he needs to fight the enemy. Give him the drive and desire to connect with others through a small group. Draw him to the men's Catalyst conference next month with Derok and bless him abundantly for being faithful to attend and be changed. Give Matt the wisdom and discernment to see temptation and the enemy's snare ahead of time, so that the way out You provide will be his only choice. Thank you for giving Matt a heart like David. Thank you for using those "messed up" like Moses, and David, and Paul, and the others who didn't start out exactly as we'd considered 'righteous', but who through trials and running after You with all their hearts, were changed into Godly men and women whose words are inspired and used to encourage us through this race we call life. I praise You for your sacrificial love for us and the depth of love we cannot yet fathom You have for us. Give us a glimpse through your creation around us so that we will always be reminded of your heart for us. In Jesus name. Amen

You are faithful,


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