POST BEACH VACATION

WE WILL NEVER FORGET.

Well, it's been a bit crazy. This post might be a bit shorter that I'd like, but I have to hit the important events that have occurred lately. First, Johanna, my dear, sweet friend, who I've prayed and prayed for to be a mom, her husband Scott, told her the night before they were suppose to go to Baltimore, he was leaving AND HAD ALREADY FILED FOR DIVORCE!!! She's obviously devastated and has had a hard time lately. The devotional for today was very appropriate,
Psalm 31:1-16 (New International Version)
Psalm 31
In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth. ..... I trust in the LORD. I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends— those who see me on the street flee from me. I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. .....But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love " I didn't ever get to meet him, but from what I can tell, they're relationship had it's problems. Johanna told me that they had always had a "volatile" relationship, is how she phrased it. Matt and I have our share of fights, but I'd never say it's "volatile". She's in a very dark place right now. From all she's told me about the days and weeks preceding this discovery, Scott had been a bit sneaky and scheming. My heart breaks for her. She feels that she's just wasted 5 years of her life with him. At first I felt that he'd left because of the baby thoughts consuming Johanna but it doesn't seem to be just that. The whole situation is just bad. He told her that if she didn't make it difficult, he'd take care of her financially! I told her, given her fertility difficulties, she better make him pay for egg harvesting since she knows she'll have to do IVF anyway, if she remarries later on, which I think she would. It sure would have been weird if I had run into him when I went for my follow up appointment with, Juan, the cardiologist in his group.

Speaking of that visit, let me tell you how it went. I just knew it was going to be a waste of time and money. That I'd get there and be told, "yes, you had a panic attack. There's nothing wrong with your heart, " BUT he came in and said I have a PFO Patent Foramen Ovale, which is a hole in the left and right atria of the heart. A patent foramen ovale (PFO) allows blood to bypass the lungs. A baby's lungs are not used when it grows in the womb, so the hole does not cause problems in an unborn infant. The opening is supposed to close soon after birth, but sometimes it does not. In about 1 out of 3 or 4 people, the opening never closes. So apparently it's pretty common. He thinks it might be related to my migraines. There is some controversy over this idea, but both have supporting arguments. He gave me some beta blockers to take if I experience any of those same symptoms I felt that day. It's a bit scary since there is no real treatment, or no prospect to close it, unless you have a STROKE caused by a blood clot to the BRAIN! So that's comforting.... well, Juan said to make sure to let Dr. Rothrock know about this when I go and see him-in OCTOBER for all my headaches and migraines. So, who would have thought? Of course it would be me!

Luke has had the croup and currently double ear infections. I had to take him today since we are heading to the beach on Memorial Day, Monday. I'm looking forward to being on the beach to celebrate Layah's birthday. It's gonna be a bit emotional and challenging, but being able to see some of God's beauty, knowing how beautiful she was and is, will be very comforting. Sunday, during the Q& A series we've been having, one of the questions someone asked was, why do women have miscarriages or lose babies, and I just lost it as Pastor Chris' father in law explained how he and his family had first hand experience with this twice, with Tammy's sister's babies. It just came upon me like a rushing wave, and caught me off guard. I just felt such a loss, such a part of me missing at that time. My longing and aching heart's memory came flooding back. As I've said before, grief apparently is a life long journey. I will be on it until I meet my precious baby girl. Having Luke and knowing his disposition and what a happy baby he is reminds me how much not only He loves me, but how much sweet Layah loves us, to give up her spot here with us, so that Luke could come. Wow!

Faithfully His,

Mika,

Celebrating New Beginnings

Tonight we are meeting up at Red Lobster with Derok's family to celebrate his new journey in his life to become a physician's assistant. Derok and Christi have sold the house and Christi and the kids will be moving into another house in Trussville. I still do not think Derok has been supported enough through this process of preparing to go to KY for school. There is a lot of stress the whole family has been experiencing as he aproaches this transition. Afterwards, I'm going up to UAB-the new women's and children's part of the hospital to visit Nita and David and their new baby boy, Eli David Terrell. I (and Rick and Bubba) were sure it was a girl, but he surprised many! It's funny cause she may not have known she was pregnant, or got pregnant shortly after, my baby shower last August. Boy what a difference in a year!



In talking to Johanna, having Dana round up the prayer warriors, and in talking with Amber, I think she's on a better page today. Amber can really relate more to Johanna's infertility than I can. Amber actually is celebrating her 36th birthday tomorrow! So, Johanna still has time. Amber said she'd fought infertility for 6 years before getting pregnant. Johanna, I dont think, has been trying quite that long. I'm keeping all the emails she and I shared so when she brings home-probably multiples,- she's gonna look back and realize that His plan has always been better than hers. Johanna said that Scott doesnt talk about his emotions but she said that she can tell when he's really depressed. I pray that they will comfort and encourage one another. When talking to Johanna about her trip to Maryland on the 21st to consult with the doctor she's chosen to have the IVF with, I asked her how she found him. She said that she ran across a blog and this woman had had similar problems and in talking with her by email, she felt very positive about this doctor. I assured Johanna that finding this doctor, was no coincidence. I know He has a plan for her, she just has to know she must trust Him.

Faithfully His,

Mika

WHAT A SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY!

050510 Luke's dedication at church





Luke at Tobi's soccer game 050810

This past week, on Wednesday, we had Luke's dedication at Church of the Highlands, main campus. There were about 15 families on the stage with us. As Pastor Chris went down the line passing the mic, when he got to us, he spoke to the church about how I'd been apart of the church family since the beginning and then he said, "I love you girl!" I thought that was so sweet. I was glad that Derok's family, Amanda's family, Mom, Dad, Jon and Renee were all able to come. I want so much for Luke & Tobi to enjoy going to church and develop friendships that will last a lifetime.

Today is Mother's Day and I'm am so truly blessed to have Tobi and Luke & our precious Layah waiting on us in heaven. I'm also truly blessed to have such an amazing Mom, Grandmother and Mother-in-Law. I would never have been able to ask God for a more godly mother and grandmother. Although we've only been close for about the last 10 years, I know her love for me has always been unconditional and everything she's done for me, has always been to try and direct my steps towards our Heavenly Father.

Late this afternoon, I got a text from Johanna telling me that she had started her period today. Of all days, today, Mother's Day. She said, "there cannot be a God who would allow me to have 2 miserable Mother's Day when everyone we know is celebrating. No hope." I'm praying that the Lord will give me words to say when I respond to her tomorrow. I can only imagine her disappointment, but I've told her of so many stories where women were told they would never have children, or they experienced several losses and are now mothers, and reminded her of Hannah, Samuel's mother, and the woman with the bleeding disorder and have tried to encourage her faith, but I'm worried. I don't know how strong her faith was before she lost the twins, and I'm afraid how her heart may respond to this trial. I'm sure that the Lord is going to bless her with a child, but I'm afraid that because it's about HIS timing and not hers, she may not reap the full blessing from Him if she loses hope.

to be continued.....


Faithfully His,

Mika

WALK THE WALK

WE WALK IN HONOR OF TOBI AND LUKE AND MEMORY OF PRECIOUS LAYAH FAITH

Well, this Saturday, April 24th, is the annual March of Dimes walk. Last year, it was just too difficult for me to walk. Besides being pregnant and not wanting to risk it, the enviroment would just have been more than I could handle, still with empty arms from losing Layah. This year though, we celebrate the life that we've been blessed with through Luke. I've gotten T-Shirts made for our family team, "Shelfer Babies Team", and even Tobi is gonna walk this year. I'm praying the rain will hold off until at least lunch time, giving us time to finish the 4+mile walk and get back to the car. I wish more of my co workers supported this charity, either with walking or monetary donations. I know they all read my email that went out because it notified me for each individual. Oh well, it cant be helped. All I can do is ask. We know the Author of Life, but we also know that His hands have been extended by the March of Dimes.

I read a verse this AM and soon after, received an email from my precious friend Amber,updating me on her 12 week doctor's apt. The verse was James 1:12 (MSSG) "Anyone who meets a testing challenge head on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is LIFE and more LIFE."!!! I know she is very anxious in regards to her upcoming cerclage surgery on April 30th. I told her what to expect and hope she will not be in as much pain and discomfort as I was. I told her that I felt that she was having a girl. I was right, this week, with LeeAnn's baby, as she found out Monday she's having a boy and I predicted that. We'll see. I'm just so excited for Amber, and know that if she can get pregnant, so can Johanna.

We had gotten word on Tuesday that Addison, (Matt's sister, Amanda, her husband, Jeremy, his sister's little girl) was to get a kidney yesterday, but after the tissue matching was done and the blood work was done that night, Addi had antibodies in her blood, which meant most likely if she was given this kidney, she would reject it. So, she goes back on the list. I know her parents, Adam and Janna, were devastated. But, we just pray that God will align the mos perfect kidney, even if is from a living donor, that Addi will have for a lifetime. I'm sure the felt like they were on a rollercoaster of emotions.

We also have Nora, Amanda's only child, her 1st birthday party is on Saturday afternoon. Then we have Luke's baby dedication on May 5th-Granny's birthday, and then Granny's 88th birthday party on the 8th. I am so thankful that Tobi has gotten to know Granny. I sure am gonna miss her when she passes, but I know she will be wating for us with Layah, Papa, and her precious child that she lost, Ronnie.

Faithfully His,

Mika

POTTER & THE CLAY

Obviously not being from Rome, sometimes I don't "get" things in the new testament. I read something today and want to share it with you. It is from 2 Corinthians 4:1-11 I love the Message Bible, so I'm gonna use that version...

"1-2Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.
3-4If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get.
5-6Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.
7-12If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! "

I never understood the "clay pot" analogy until now. The devotional from Our Daily Bread said this, "

It has been said that the Roman Empire ran on olive oil. It was used in cooking, bathing, medicine, ceremonies, lamps, and cosmetics. For decades, olive oil from southern Spain was shipped to Rome in large clay jugs called amphorae. Those jugs, not worth sending back, were discarded in a growing heap of broken shards known as Monte Testaccio. The fragments of an estimated 25 million amphorae created that man-made hill, which stands today on the bank of the Tiber River in Rome. In the ancient world, the value of those pots was not their beauty but their contents.
Because of this, the first-century followers of Christ would have clearly understood Paul’s illustration of the life of Jesus in every believer. “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us” (2 Cor. 4:7).
Our bodies, like amphorae, are temporary, fragile, and expendable. In our modern world that highly values outward beauty, we would be wise to remember that our greatest treasure is the life of Jesus within us. By God’s grace and power, may we live so that others can see Christ in us."

We had an incident yesterday with Tobi saying " so and so, you need to get skinny..." I just wanted to crawl under my mom's bed when he said that to this person. I talked with him last night about it, and how he would never want someone to say something that could be hurtful about his size, glasses, hearing aids, clothes, whatever. It can be "cute" when they are little and they say whatever comes to mind, but the older he gets, the less "cute" it is, plus I want him to be aware of his words, and how they can affect others. I want him to be honest, but not hurtful.

The verse talks about the "unadorned" pots. I think that as Christians, our pots should be cracked, chipped, dingy, dirty, USED looking...because, after all, we want HIM to be seen-not us. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit (not in the obnoxious way that filled is sometimes thought of ) and the life that we have found through Christ, the light shines through the cracks, the "chip parts" from our trials and struggles, the dented parts from pain and suffering....He is revealed through our pots....not our words and our "BIBLE knowlege" -which is important but is not what most unbelievers are changed by. It's the "pots" that people see. My "pot" sure has had it's better days! But I'm so thankful that it points to my King. He is praised by it. What Satan intendend to be a ball and chain has become a sweet smelling fragrant flower of the life that comes from My Lord and SAVIOR. I think many people, even believers sometimes, carry around expensive "pots" that are decorated with the finest gold, silver, gems, paint, etc (representing their stuff, their careers, their money, their status, their knowledge, their talent), but when you look into the pot, it's empty. it's dark. there's nothing in it. I pray that my "pot" will always represent my best friend, my King, my Reedemer!

Faithfully His,

Mika

PICTURES FROM 04/10/10

Pictures from Saturday at Tobi's soccer game, vs Chicago, 12-7 win! and Moss Rock Preserve in Hoover, hiking with Grungie

HE IS RISEN!!!

040410 (6 mo)

040410

Thinking back this time last year and the year before honestly has been kind of a blur. I thought about how hesitantly excited we were last Easter having had the cerclage just put in, and yet the year before, having not made it to church since I had some symptoms of some back labor. This year, getting to share it with my family, I realized something, I noticed the beauty in Spring, the vibrant colors of the magenta trees. The bright golden yellows and fiery oranges. God's art is such a wondrous creation. I see His life in the trees and flowers and birds all about, while thinking and constantly praying for my dear friends who have lost babies and yet to have one or more.

Johanna's anniversary is Tuesday April 6th, and she had expected to be pregnant by the anniversary of the twins' birth\death. I try to give her hope, causing her to think that maybe a year is not long enough to grieve over 2 babies gone. It's so consuming, grief is. You want the feelings of despair to be gone, so once I was pregnant with Luke, I had something to focus on. Not that the grief went away or I stopped thinking about Layah, but I just had it to consume my thoughts. A "friend" I met through Dana, Kim Kelly, lost quads about a month ago at 23 weeks. I have been in touch with her and she has responded once to me. I cant imagine the magnitude of her loss, as losing Layah was like losing part of my being for many months. Her friend and I have talked as well. I know she's going through many feelings right now and none of them are bad. She feels guilty, numb, sad, angry, etc...everything I felt and more. She has an older daughter, Grace, who is 8. I explained to her that I also felt guilty just for not being able to function and take care of Tobi the month following Layah's death. I just wanted to sleep on the couch all day...and cry. Getting on the wellbutrin was a tremendous help, but also making my self get out. Thank the Lord I did have Tobi to get out with me, otherwise, who knows how long it might have taken me to just go to the grocery store. And thank God for my sweet friend Rachel. I couldn't have gotten through it without her as well. Just being able to talk to her and her know how I felt.

I emailed Kim to share with her just a thought, which was my new perspective of this Holy Day. Having always been overwhelmed with sadness and just really being upset seeing how Jesus was tortured, seeing it from His Father's eyes has been just as emotional. He knows our pain. He knows our despair and our sadness. I know that it seems distant to Johanna and Kim right now, but I pray every day that they will feel His presence, and even if they don't, they will know that He will "never leave or forsake them". When Luke is asleep in my arms and I carry him to his bed and put his cheek against mine, the smell and his soft skin are a piece of heaven, and I am reminded that I would do it all again. I'm sure God has those moments with us, when we make Him proud and He smiles and says, "yup, I'd do it all again, just for you!" His love is just so hard to understand. It's just not given justice with our pitiful English language. I mean, the same word for how we feel about our dog, our spouse and our favorite ice cream? Really?.

Well, as usual, I'm ministered to by a song. It's called More Like Falling In Love and it's by Jason Gray. It's a great song and the words are so true. It's not a religion, it's a relationship. We are made a new creation by a relationship with our King. It's all about that unconditional love He has for us and our commitment to let Him be Lord of our life.

More Like Fallin' in Love

Jason Gray

Give me rules I will break them

Give me lines I will cross them

I need more than a truth to believe I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes

To sweep me off my feet It ought to be

More like falling in love

Than something to believe in

More like losing my heart

Than giving my allegiance

Caught up, called out

Come take a look at me now

It's like I'm falling,

oh It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words I'll misuse them

Obligations I'll misplace them

'Cause all religion ever made of me

Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet

It never set me free

It's gotta be

CHORUS

...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love

Deeper and deeper

It was love that made

Me a believer

In more than a name, a faith, a creed

Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

Amen!

Faithfully His,

Mika

Love Him with Your WHOLE heart

So as usual, God really speaks to me a lot through music, praise and worship. I've gotten to really feel His presence-even in the bathroom as I brush my teeth- when a particular song comes on. It's based off of the verse Luke 10:27 He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" It is by Forever Jones, and is called "He Wants it All" Here are the lyrics:

There's a voice that cries out in the silence,

searching for heart that will love him,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all

There's a God that walks over the earth,

he searching for heart that is desperate,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all and he says,

love me, love me with your whole heart

he wants it all today

serve me, serve me with you life now

he wants it all today

bow down, let go of your idols

he wants it all today (x4)

There's a God that walks over the earth,

he searching for heart that is desperate,

longing for child that will give him their all,

give it all, he wants it all and he says,

love me, love me with your whole heart

he wants it all today

serve me, serve me with you life now

he wants it all today

bow down, let go of your idols

he wants it all today (x4)

Oh oh oh, all of you,

more of you wants it all today (whole thing x3)
he wants it all today,

he wants is all today so give it all

There's a voice that cries out in the silence,

searching for heart that will love him,

longing for child that will give him their all, give it all, he wants it all

Besides it being a great melodic song, the words are just so powerful to me. The part about Him searching....He looks for us, even when many are not looking for Him. John 12:32 " But when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself." and 2 Peter 3:9 " The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." These verses just stand out to me. I have many close family and friends that I pray and pray for and salvation seems as tho it will never come to past, but reading this verse, I know that His "slowness" is not my "slowness". He is on His own time, not mine. I know and trust that He will ultimately have their hearts.

Back to the song, He wants it all, wow. When you think about that, you have to remember that doesn't just apply to "stuff". That also applies to our children, our health, our time, our dreams, our desires, everything. Many times with our actions, and not necessarily our words, we say "I'll give Him this area of my life, but not this". But until you give Him your ALL, you're not really gonna know Him, in the deepest and most intimate way.

Lately I've had some "spells", and I'm not sure where it's coming from, but last Thursday morning, I was getting on the freeway, and all of a sudden, I felt as if I was about to black out. I began to get tunnel vision, very flushed, and thought to myself, "I've got to pull over. I cant pass out driving with Luke with me". I cranked on the AC full blast, and the feeling seemed to pass. My vision was still a bit blurry, but I didn't feel like I was going to black out. I got Luke to BH and sat in the floor with him for a few minutes before going to work. As I got up slowly, I felt as though I was going to pass out. I know that happens sometimes, but this just felt different. I thought maybe I was having a hypoglycemic moment, so I ate some nuts that I had in the van. I got to work and got some breakfast, but still didn't feel right. My heart was racing, feeling like it was gonna beat out of my chest. I felt cold, nauseated, and just really dizzy and it was difficult to concentrate. I kept taking slow deep breaths, but I couldn't seemed to slow my heart rate down. I was shaky and just felt like I was having a heart attack! I went down to the nurses and they took my BP and heart rate. It was a little elevated, but probably cause I was freakin' out. My mom came and we went to UAB's ER-BIG mistake. The only reason I even went there was because if this that was going on was related to my CPT2, I needed to be where my neurologist could see me in the hospital. In triage, the took an EKG and sent me out to the waiting room. My brother came by since he was doing "a case" at UAB and said that they weren't that busy back in the ER. (He's a harvester with the AOC harvesting bone and tissue donors). I had some arm pain and weakness on my left side that was worrisome to me, and every time I'd stand up to go to the bathroom, I felt as if I was going to pass out. We were in the ER for 7 hours and there was no change in my status to be seen since the previous 4 hours. I was so upset, beginning to get a migraine since I'd not eaten anything but half a bag of chips since breakfast, and just tired. I told mom that we'd try St. Vincent's, but when I called, I was told that they couldn't give me any idea of the wait, and it could be six hours there as well. I told mom I wanted to go home. I just needed to get home. So, we got something to eat, and headed home. I took some midrin and 4 ibuprofen and that helped stopped the migraine from progressing. I was so glad to see my precious baby and funny guy.

After talking to Johanna by text about it, I realized, duh, her husband is a cardiologist. So, she told him about everything and he said he'd get me set up with one of his partners. The next day, I felt like I had had an extremely long, and really bad panic attack, having had one when I was 23 weeks pregnant with Luke, and then 2 days after he was born. But both of those only lasted about 10 minutes and then I was fine and I felt no arm pain, nor like I was about to pass out. This just seemed a bit different having lasted all day.

So, today I went for my cardiology apt with Dr. Juan Bernal. He was very nice, young and from Columbia. They did a pretty thorough history, and apparently he'd heard about CPT2 in his fellowship. They did an EKG and he listenned to everything. I told him that it may be panic attacks, but since they lasted so long it scared me. He said he wanted to do some investigating, and that as far as it being related to the CPT2, all he was aware of was pediatric patients diagnosed with CPT2 having cardiac problems contributed to it. He'd not read anything of the adult form having cardiac problems, afterall, it's a neuromuscular problem, not vascular. So, he sent me home with a 72 hour monitor, and said that I'll probably have an ultrasound. I'm gonna feel terrible if all this testing is done and it's just panic attacks, BUT at least I'll know everything is fine, which is what we want anyway. So, although it was a busy day at the doctor, I enjoyed every minute that I was able to spend it with Luke.

Here are some pictures from today before we left.

Faithfully His,

Mika

031810

Surprise! It's an Update!

after going to Derok & Sophi's baptismal 030710

look at those THIGHS!!!

022810 Luke & Grungie

02/2010

021410

022710

So today I actually had some spare time to get to post!!! I cant do it at work anymore, dad gum it! It's not networking but nevertheless, I cant sign in to the blog. Luke is now 5 months old and just such a joy. I have told my mom and several friends that I was so wrapped up in praying for Luke's physical well-being that I forgot about praying for his temperament. My sweet mom didn't. She knew that with everything we'd been through with Tobi's first 4 1\2 years and then losing Layah, we needed a baby that was very easy, and boy did we get him. Let's see what I need to catch up on. Luke's skin has been a bit of a problem. My brother's children have pretty severe eczema and asthma and it appears Luke got the skin problems. I had ready before he was born that using breast milk on minor abrasions, eczema, and even pink eye can improve the problem. Mommy's good antibodies are multi-purpose! when I took Luke in for his 4 mo check up on the 16th of February, he was 18.4 lbs and in the 90-95% in weight and height, 26 1\2 inches long. I'm just trying to enjoy every second of him little. He is just so happy and content all the time. He has just now, like over the past few days, begun to fuss a bit, and we are suspect that he might be getting ready to have some teethies!

Thursday, I had to leave work a bit early to finally go to the doctor myself since I'd been sick for about a week. I had sinusitis bronchitis and on the way to walking pneumonia. I got 2 shots and that made me feel better right away. I had to since Renee and I were going to make our annual trip to Cottontail, at the BJCC. We had a great time on Friday, and that seemed to be the ideal day to go since there wasn't the same Saturday crowd and many moms left to go pick their kids up from school. We had Luke with us so we got his picture made with the Easter bunny. I will try and post that out here soon. The guy that took his picture commented on the fact that he didn't have to work at all to get Luke to smile. Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for such a happy baby. He's got the static look that Tobi, (and apparently me too) had, where his hair sticks straight up all over. It's too cute. He's wearing between a 9-12 month. He's just such a big boy! I was hoping to get to use a lot of Tobi's clothes, but it doesn't look as though that's gonna be the case.

Now, a couple of things. My dear friend Johanna had some great news, left tube is completely open and her uterus looks good so she was cleared to try and get pregnant with her next cycle. There had also been some medical insurance problems where her husband's practice had gone with Viva and they had no fertility benefits with that carrier, but fortunately, they were able to switch over to MASA with BCBS so they have a much better plan now, with fertility benefits. She and Scott are gone to Vail, CO right now for a conference of his. I am praying she'll be refreshed, renewed, revived, and well rested and come back with just a clear head and ready to see what the Lord has planned for her and Scott's future. Last week, Dana had posted a prayer request on her FB page about a girl named Kim Kelly who she met through a mom of multiples group. Kim was 23 weeks pregnant with quads. She was on bed rest at the hospital and ended up having one of the babies, a little girl, they named Hope (which I thought was ironic since we had Layah Faith and plan to use Hope as a middle name someday). She passed away. Then, that night I watched a TV program that showed a baby that appeared to be a 24 weeker. Although I know the baby wasn't real, it just appeared so real that it flooded my heart with many emotions from our time with Layah and I just became overwhelmed with a deep longing for her. As I prayed for Kim, and my other dear friends who are so desperate to be a mom, I just remembered the message that pastor Chris gave us last Sunday about being content as a believer that there will times that we have to accept the fact that we will times when we don't understand, and even if He could tell us, our brains couldn't fathom His ways. After all, He tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Then the next day, I saw where Dana had let everyone know that the rest of the quads had been born and passed. My heart just sunk. I felt sick. I know how horrible that time was, but I cannot imagine the magnitude of the pain of the loss times 4. Today they were having the funeral. How do you bury 4 babies, and at one time. As I look back at the notes from last weeks message, I read the verses that were part of the conversation between Job and God. Job well represents all of us who have experienced tragedy. He said, "What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense, when God blocks all the roads to meaning?" Job 3:23 That's what we say too. We ask that question of why do bad things happen to good people and why would God allow this or what about all those women who abort, abuse, and neglect sweet babies...it doesn't make sense. But Job realized that he was a mere mortal. He was just a man. He said to God, "You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I do not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Job 42:3. He had experienced the ultimate loss-everything, yet he realized that the God of the universe was trustworthy and His timing is always perfect. He will right the world in the end. Another verse on this message was James 5:11 "You've heard of course, of Job's staying power and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares , cares right down to the last detail". He is there. He is here. He never leaves us. Even during those dark times when we feel He has abandoned us, He is there as He promised. If Jesus can cry out to His Father, feeling abandoned and left alone, He can relate to us when we do the same. Pastor Chris gave a personal story I can relate to of his child needing a medical procedure that would involve some pain yet it was best for his child in the end. During the medical staff's preparation, his little toddler looked over at his dad, anticipating his daddy coming to the rescue to save him from this frightful and painful situation. Yet he did not. He could not. Through the cries of his son saying, "Daddy?! Daddy?! Daddy?!" Pastor Chris said he wept and wept. He compared this event somewhat like what it must have been like for our Heavenly Father. To hear his perfect son's cries, yet not reach down and take that pain away. I'm sure that He feels the same when we cry out, and say, "Abba, Abba, Abba".

I would do it all again. I would go through the chaos and terror through Tobi's birth and first 4 1\2 years in and out of Children's Hospital. I would go through having Layah for only 6 short days-if that is what was called for to bring our precious Luke into this world. I hope it will not be as long of a break between this and my next post, but between Matt and Tobi, I'm not usually privy to the computer at home!

Faithfully His,

Mika

Distracted

So today I had some time to actually post a blog. The devotional I read today was titled Distracted and it struck a chord with me, so I thought I'd share it. Here's the verse,


Luke 10:38-42 "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."


The devtional talked about how even good things that have value to us can become destractions and draw our attention away from what we should be paying attention to, just as Martha was....she was destracted with serving, which took her away from time spent with Jesus. He was telling her, "what's most important, and the only thing that's important ultimately is me"....As I read this, I thought about all the things I want to do, need to do, plan to do, and realized, I MUST make sure that He is always first. That is, at times, easier said that done.

I ask that you continue to keep my dear friend Johanna in your prayers. Her husband who is a cardiologist, his group recently changed insurance plans and now have NO infertility benefits. He is considering changing practices but first wants to make sure that these benefits would be offered and she's concerned. Afterall, how do you say, we need to make sure you're gonna provide this benefit before I will work here. Please pray that God will supply the means, money, and medical care for Johanna. I care for her so much and am so thankful for our friendship. I found out recently, another couple in our church, lost a baby after a few hours old. It burned in my ears when I heard it, knowing, I feel, this is my calling. To create a small group for moms who have experienced this tragic loss. So, pray for me, that the Lord will provide the perfect timing\semester and the perfect place, (which is very important because our house is too small to have it here), for this to happen. And that I will have guidance, disernment, and wisdom in helping these ladies who-I know- will show. Lord, use me as your vessel.

Faithfully His,

Mika

Just a sweet picture of Luke, 02/12/10

4 1\2 months

01/24/10, Luke in the bumpo...no, i didnt leave him for a minute